Adrini Chia > Recent Status Updates

"I found I was confronted with my selves anew: my childhood self, the bare, naked roots of early psychic disturbances. This, I did not expect. I thought early motherhood would be gentle, beatific, pacific, tranquil; bathed in a soft light. But actually it was hardcore, edgy, gnarly. It wasn't pale pink; it was brown of shit and red of blood."

2 most important decisions :
1. Who you marry
2. When to have children

Bro does my English suck or is my brain not working

Just read preface so far. Nietzsche believes dogmatism is based on childish prejudices and he critiques harshly Plato's "Form of the Good". He basically doesn't believe in any absolute truths bcoz perspective is needed to see the bigger picture

The English is very uh JCBSJSJFKS lol I had to google a few words.
Antiquity, hitherto, ecclesiastical, puerilism, tyronism ,edifices

Prolonged trauma makes ur mind stay in a constant alarmed state, and with enough time and fear, it can become addicting n its the new baseline for "normal"

u can also get addicted to strategies u use to cope wihh the trauma (splitting, shame, repetition and abstinence )

Learn to break the pattern + support grief by ritualizing change, creating boundaries, n l arning trategies for detachment.

Grief is worse when u're wounded by the people who were supposed to be your refuge coz it leaves u searching for whatever closure that wasn't given, n trauma has a cruel way of convincing you that you'll only find it by returning to the place you lost it

Unfortunately I relate to that a lot

Trauma can shrink your window of tolerance, making small things feel overwhelming and bigger challenges leave you frozen. Healing isn't about never getting triggered—it's about slowly widening that window so you can pause and respond instead of just react. Safe, attuned relationships help us learn that, even if we didn't get it growing up.

We are born believing we are worthy of love, but our experiences—especially with parents—shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world.

Ask "What happened?" instead of "What's wrong?" Because our behaviours and struggles are often responses to our past, not flaws in who we are.

Trauma is processed from the bottom up, and our brain is shaped by experience. We absorb more tension and conflict than we realize

replacing our instinct to blame, defend, shut down, or attack with compassion and curiosity.

To pause and focus on what actually happened (without adding opinions), how it made us feel, and what need those feelings are pointing to.

To communicate them in that order too

made me come to the realization that I enjoy reading historical fiction.

Also I liked :
"That was a long time ago, but it's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years."

"Did he ache for her, the way I ached (for the mother I had never met)?

Oho u don't like fate cause u can't make ur own decisions YOU DONT EVEN!!! YOU DONT EVEN MAKE UR OWN DECISIONS?!?!? KISSING TENT UR HEAD WANT TO KISS SO MUCH HOW CAN UR BRAIN EVEN FOCUS ON THAT U SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR UR SIS

She's so wishy washy like MAKE UP YOUR MIND, ALSO SHES TOO HORNY WTH. CAN YOU CHILL. CAN YOU NOT. GO LOOK FOR UR SISTER GEEZ

I don't like the romance, go away -_-
Also I understand she's traumatized but I find it so. Whiny when she's like MY SISTER MY SISTER MY SISTER like GIRL OH ZTOP SHUT UP

To be honest, I'm struggling with this, but also I'm listening to the audiobook, so, I got the ebook hoping it'd feel better, I think it's too descriptive for me to be taken as just an audiobook, I can't "see" and visualize what's happening in my head fjdjdndjfjfkdms

Storyline is nice tho

I actually don't know what page I'm on cause eim listening to an audiobook while colouring but BRO THIS IS CRAZY WHAT

Yo bro what 😭 this is keeping me on the edge of my seat throughout like the whole time, it's like a constant suspense, but also I'm stressed bcoz it feels real and I've met ppl like Nina 😭😭

Met someone who thinks the Bahasa is too "tinggi" and that it should be simple.

I disagree. Idk why. But I love this Bahasa and IF YOU DONT LIKE IT YOU SUC-

This was my text book for one of my diploma classes. Never finished reading it sebab presentation tu was like, 6 groups so I skipped 5 chapters lol.

Rereading. Pretty intriguing to see where I highlighted and underlined all those years ago. I do miss Madam Muslihah, my lecturers were dope. I am blessed with good educators.

I went to one of his talks, also bumped into him n talked to him like 4 times during PBAKL. He's nice and very chill. Bro made me realise I can be a huge jerk and I need to tadabbur more Qur'an, look more inward and take responsibility for when I'm wrong, but also balance it with self forgiveness and growth.

Gonna be a slow read, cause I'm taking notes on it, joyfully tho

The lenggok bahasa man it's so nice to read

Kelam malam yang Samar Samar itu menyimpan seribu satu Luka di balik setiap pepohon .Dan dedaunnya.

I like this writing Style.

Idk why I was imagining them running around on two feet eventhough they're animals so when the book mentioned an animal is in the water and lowered his mouth to the water n was like why tunduk so much for then I realize oh THEY WALK ON FOUR FEET but also there's illustrations which I love

I wanted to imagine cute animals in my head so I read his book n on page one he kills off a kancil, , GREAT XJHDJDNCKZHZKS IM DIKSJFDK

Having a love hate relationship with this? On one hand it's so intriguing but also some parts I find boring, it's pretty whack to see how a killers mind is though that part I enjoy. His whole mom dynamic freaks me out. He's also smart. This is a nice cat and mouse

i lost this book i think, its somemwher4... WHERE DID I PUT IT