olivia > Recent Status Updates

“piece of raw-but-painted meat” … just wonderful

“look at the colours of her. look at all the colours of her world. there is not one shade of me. she looks so happy.” FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK 💔💔

“I don't mind where you go next, or where you've been before, as long as when you read this, you stop and you're with me.” god the inherit intimacy of writing and reading these letters is too much to think about this much

“i told maria that i was in love, actually, but that was a long time ago” followed by “still yours,” ohhh mY GODDD /3 i would kill myself if i was lucy reading this

“there isn't anything left of me but the useless blood my heart keeps circulating. you can have all of it, if you want. I have no use for it now.” all i feel is pain

group suicide at my place!!!

“it is not the heat of her love that I feel, it is the flames of our reckoning.” i am going to explode in sympathy for susannah because im not even her and i want to die so bad right now

“taking all the good in the world and all the light in my life, i pack it up tight and throw it away. I lift her arms off me. she is a sun too hot to enjoy.” i swearrrrr lucy… this better not mean what i think it does

lucy if you can hear me by all means DO NOT go with him oh my god oh my god oh my god lucy pleaseeee

i knoww lucy isn’t leaving with susannah but also if she doesn’t i’m throwing this book off a cliff

SOMEONE KILL ME OH MY GODDDD

“never in all my years of christianity has there been talk of an angel like this” im gonna kill lucy with my bare hands right now please kiss her

“when martin arrived and kissed me on the cheek, she looks so happy. it makes me feel like when i was a child, pretending to still believe in santa clause on christmas morning” lucy’s relationship with his mother makes me soo sad

martin needs to seriously up his gaydar because this is getting crazy… i’m actually starting to feel bad for him and i am nothing if not a man hater

i’m gonna kill myself. the raw guilt she describes when imagining martin feeling the same things for her as she did with susannah is sooo upsetting but so real.. i feel so bad for susannah right now like i genuinely would have hung myself in lucy’s bedroom by now

“my hand is still on his knee, and i squeeze it, so he knows i am real” oh my god im gonna throw up im gONNA THROW UPP

well shit

“i didn’t realize this feeling existed. i didn’t realize how badly i needed to feel it.” im gonna explode myself

“another girl like me exists, and she is the most perfect girl in the world. the awful deed is done, our perfect love comes to life. i am hers, and she is mine.” I CANNOT STOP CRYING

“her hands have found me. I have been let into her mouth. we are so far away from everything. mothers, money, men, all miles away. our small world explodes and is made new. we are the only two people in it. long may this last.” i am sobbing right now.. such a beautiful chapter

god this chapter killed me. the way they’re spending every day together in such tranquility without saying anything about the increasingly intimate things they’re doing together and GODDD the letters they write even though they see each other every day… so much to think about i can’t deal with it

“i dont want to be a thing that the village isn't supposed to know about. how can I fix this? do I want this fixed? i wouldn't want to live not knowing the goodness of Susannah. she is fresh air, and warmth, and mornings in July. what is there to fix?“ knowing how wrongly her queerness is perceived and also knowing how pure it is for her UGHHHHHHH

“it’s her racing through my mind. i don’t mind it. it makes me sick. i like it.” ohhhh im gonna explode

“it could be nicer, but at least it’s mine” KILL ME OH MY GOD

this second chapter has torn me apart.. the way the author describes lucy’s feelings about susannah is so incredibly real in a way i have never heard talked about before. the over-examination of mundane acts to the point where you can’t stand to be with them yet don’t want to be apart.. already so obsessed with this book