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Charlotte’s suggested edits also struck a chord with me and helped me get out of the way of the story so that the writer could edit, write, and rewrite the novel as never before, shaping and rounding it into a true journey.

I found that what he wanted was no different than what I wanted—I think, what we all want.

Sam wanted to believe. That God did have plan for him and his life, that hardships as child would all help mold for him extraordinary life. that prayers had purpose, that God truly is benevolent, despite so many often being malevolent. That God’s will meant something, not just mother’s way of dismissing curious son.

I’ve since come to learn that a first draft is written for the writer and should never be shared with anyone.

From Acknowledgments …

My mother was one to rock the boat, and she rocked the boat mightily when it came to my brother.

My father was not one to rock the boat. He accepted my brother as he was, never expecting that he’d be anything more or less than who he is, just as he accepted each of us.

We realize it is in those quiet moments that each of us has the ability to make our lives extraordinary.

“Here’s to life,” I said. “And the three people in mine who helped to make it extraordinary.“

“The miracle of Lourdes is acceptance, Sam. I asked God to help you to understand and to accept yourself.”

I was submerged. Surfacing, I felt the strange warmth my father had spoken of. It radiated from the center of my chest down each limb. The Italian volunteer, who had undoubtedly witnessed thousands of similar expressions, smiled knowingly at me, then he bent close to my ear and, speaking quietly, as if sharing a secret, he said, “Spirito Santo. Spirito Santo.”

Basilica of Immaculate Conception, white-and-gold Gothic cathedral with multiple spires and elaborate carvings. At its base, on banks of river Gave’s flowing bluish-green waters, dozens of candles flickered beside natural cave ... Just above and to right of spot where spring emerged was cleft in stone. In it was statue of Blessed Mother to mark where Bernadette saw apparition

three gold-and-white steeples of the Basilica of Our Lady of the Rosary loomed just beyond a huge square to welcome the pilgrims.

Lourdes was small town in mountains not far from Spanish border.

when Bernadette complied, she uncovered freshwater spring that has flowed continuously for 140 years, though no one has ever found source. Millions of sick & infirm pilgrims venture to small town each year to be dipped in waters of that spring, said to have healing powers and to have produced enough miracles for Pope Pius XI to canonize Bernadette

“It’s a pilgrimage,” she said. “It’s not supposed to be easy.”

“I’m long past believing in miracles,” I said. “I just want to see her happy.”

I stopped drinking, but I’ve never stopped being an alcoholic. I’m hoping you’ll forgive me, Sam. I’m hoping that you’ll find it in your heart.

There’s nothing to forgive, Sister. I know it was the alcohol.

The ordeal with David Bateman and Trina Crouch had made me realize that holding grudges only caused more pain.

“I had no right to keep you to myself. It was God’s will for you to do his work.”

Initially, my work felt as I had intended it, an escape and a penance, but in Fernando I saw the truth in my mother’s words, and I hoped they would help to relieve the tremendous guilt I knew I would feel for having been gone.

The worst part of being a doctor is that other doctors cannot lie to you. They cannot give you false hope of a miracle.

No one needed to tell me what I already knew. My mother was dying.

“God did not make you different, Fernando. He made you special. But what is most important is not the color of your eyes. What is most important is what is inside.”

If anything, I’d classify myself as a Buddhist. I believed that every living thing came from the earth and was to be respected.

running from a faith that seemed to solve every problem not with a solution but with an excuse.

“It’s God’s will.”

“Most people who own a gun never have to use it. It’s the threat of the gun that deters the need.“

When asked why he never deviated from his attack, no matter the opponent, Tyson replied, “Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth.”

I knew in a way that I was Daniela’s Pastor Brogan. I was the person fate had destined to protect her from the bully. The irony was she and I had shared the same bully.

“How are you holding up?” Ernie asked.

“Like an actor backstage in the green room waiting to go on again.”

Their presence gave me back my identity and validated my existence beyond the role of the unknown grieving boyfriend.

good person. bad person wouldn’t be that honest. They wouldn’t feel any guilt at all. bad person would have punted responsibility and told her family that he wanted nothing to do with any of it. But I know you. And I know that you’ll go to your grave and never tell another living soul that she cheated on you. Her parents will bury daughter they loved & get to keep all memories.

Eva’s beautiful face had been spared damage, and that was all the attendee showed me. But as a doctor, I understood from the way the sheet draped her body that much of her torso had been crushed and disfigured, bones broken. She’d likely died instantly.

He sobbed, great gasps and moans that prevented words but that I understood. He’d been bearing up for his wife, for Eva’s sisters, for the entire family. With the details of Eva’s remains taken from him, he could mourn his daughter.

I filled a second bowl with water and set it out of harm’s way; Bandit tended to slide his bowl all over my tile floor seeking every nugget.

Eva did not like pets. She reacted to any piece of dog hair on her clothing as if it was radioactive.