kiara ✾ ·˚ > Recent Status Updates

“I thought about you before doing anything, tried to make you proud with everything that I did. Day after day I thought about this, until it had permeated my very bones, become second nature. That’s why, as time went on, I never even realized— That as the days had passed, I’d grown into the you I held in my heart.”

shi mei being mo ran’s reason to die, but chu wanning being his reason to live WELCOME TO BUZZ CITY

“He had always thought the one he loved was Shi Mei, so if he were to die together with someone, it would be with Shi Mei. But when truly faced with the prospect of death, he had instinctively pulled Chu Wanning into his arms, as if trying to merge Chu Wanning’s flesh into his own, hide his soul within his own.”

true loverboyism will always prevail 😌

“I was wrong, it was my fault. I don’t blame you. I don’t hate you. It was all my fault, always making you angry. Next time, if you hit me or scold me, I swear I won’t fight back. Shizun, if you just come back, I’ll listen to everything you say… I’ll respect you, I’ll cherish you, I’ll treat you right…”

i’ll be having a great day then boom shizun’s wontons and now i’m suicidal 🫩

“He had once been certain that taking Chu Wanning as his master was the greatest misfortune of his life, that it had been a mistake from the start. Only now did he see that the unfortunate one wasn’t him, wasn’t Mo Weiyu, but the one who stood under the flowers that day, head bowed and lost in thought. The unfortunate one was Chu Wanning.“

running into oncoming traffic is my only option atp 🫩💔

“Over three thousand steps. He…without any spiritual power… The stairs are still stained with a trail of blood; that’s the road he took to bring you home. Ge. We don’t have a shizun anymore.”

THEY JUST HIT THE FUCKING PENTAGON

“Be it in his past life or this one, on pain of death, he would never permit anyone but himself to touch so much as a hair on Chu Wanning’s head. He’d said it before—only he was allowed to kill the one he hated; the only one allowed to ruin him, to torment him.”

fake idgafer i saw you caring 😂

“I also feel hunger and sadness, I’m human too…”
“It wasn’t that he didn’t care for those around him, only that he did it quietly. Such quietude, day after day, without anyone to see or notice, was also a kind of torment.”

being a cwn lover is not knowing a single day of happiness when reading erha

“Do you want to go see the fireworks?”
“Where’s Shi Mei?”

cwn didn’t use tianwen to knock some sense into mo ran’s ass enough actually

“It was fine if he couldn’t have that person. But that person’s warmth and tenderness were bestowed upon others while the only things offered to him were barbs and thorns. So although Chu Wanning held him in his heart, whenever that person moved, his heart would start to bleed.”

i’m in a constant state of pain and misery 💔

“Chu Wanning, you have a stone for a heart. You’ve… never cared about us.”

mind you he’s saying this to the person with a heart made of the purest form of gold there is 😔

“He’s just my shizun, nothing more. Whether I like him or not is irrelevant.”

cwn always having a front row seat to sum bullshit dpmo

“Shizun, I’m really not…beyond remedy… So, please, don’t give up on me.”

oh my god…

“Chu Wanning was Taxian-jun’s! Even if he was currently trapped in this young body, he was still the Emperor of the Mortal Realm down to the very marrow of his bones! Who had dared touch his—forget his “shizun”—who had dared touch his person? His, Mo Weiyu’s, Taxian-jun’s person!”

not a single nonchalant bone in his body when it comes to cwn ever 😭

“Even if the lingering emotions had been born out of hatred, in the cold loneliness that had followed, day after day after day, he’d still missed him with an almost physical intensity, like a thousand ants were gnawing on his heart. But no matter how much he missed him or how hard he wished, Chu Wanning wouldn’t come back. Mo Ran had lost the last flame of his life.”

pass me a fucking shot 🫩

“All these years, everyone had respected him, feared him, but never had anyone dared to stand by his side. Never had anyone concerned themselves with his well-being. Yuheng of the Night Sky, the Beidou Immortal. Unloved from head to toe, uncared for whether alive, dead, sick, or suffering.”

they just don’t get him like i do

“I hate you, Chu Wanning. I really hate you so much. But you’re all I have left.”

i’m genuinely so so so so so so unwell 😞

“Shi Mei is dead—are you happy now? Or do you have to hound all your disciples to death or madness before you’re satisfied? Chu Wanning! There’s no one left in this world who could make those wontons ever again. No matter how much you imitate him, you’ll never even come close!”

rereading erha but i’m not meatbun’s strongest soldier… ITS SO OVER FOR ME 🫩💔

“For the longest time, he only felt like a normal person when they were making love. Then he could love, then he could desire, then he could feel the need to be close to someone; then he would press himself against another person, would crave more. But these were words he could no longer say. He hadn’t changed; he’d stayed in place, but He Yu was no longer the same.”

he yu it’s getting harder to defend you

BITCH hexie’s families both messy as hell bc wdym anthony is xqc’s cousin???

“It’s already been nearly a year, Xie Qingcheng. The dead have turned to ash. New life has finally come. It’s time to let go…

He knew that he would never be able to let go. He could be happy for the birth of a new life, but he was destined to live among the dead forever. He wouldn’t forget He Yu’s past, ever.”

JUST PASS ME A GUN ATP

xqc living 20 years of his life in despair, going blind from grief since he yu was announced dead to blaming himself and losing the sliver of will he had left to live ISTG HE CANNOT CATCH A FUCKING BREAK 🫩

“If my death has become an irreversible fact, I do not wish for the person who treated me best in this world to grieve for me. I would rather he be disappointed in me—rather he spit on my grave—than feel sad and blame himself. That is my only request.”

so meatbun really wants me to fucking kill myself???

“I hereby identify the person who orchestrated the deaths of Xie Ping, Zhou Muying, and my mother, Vivian. It was the vice-executive of the He Group, Lü Zhishu—that is to say, Wei Rong.”

he yu’s family lore goes INSANE bc wdym wei rong has been posing as his biological mother this entire time???

“That willful, death-defying love would probably never return. This was the outcome he’d hoped for all this time. At last he had what he wanted, one weight lifted from his shoulders. He should’ve felt relieved — The last of his warmth had left with He Yu, and now nothing was left.”

hexie divorce era 💔

“Xie Qingcheng. I might never get to be He Yu again. Let me hold my teddy bear one last time, okay? You have to remember how tightly I held you, the same way I’ll remember all the warmth you ever gave me.”

he yu’s dad committing suicide, this cryptic doomed yaoi dialogue, xqc asking to get fucked… this is what whiplash feels like

“I lie on her grave and remain there as night falls, dawn breaks, and blackness descends again. I tell her everything and beg her to return to me, to wait for me, to forgive me for all the ways in which I have failed. I ask her to free me from my final promise. I ask her to let me come to her now.”

he suffered more than jesus

“The unforgiving songbird. Repeatedly reminding me of President Snow’s crystal-clear message to me on my homecoming. That I will never get to love anyone ever again. Nevermore. Because he will make sure they end up dying a horrible death. And so, I drive away anyone and everyone who could ever have been considered dear to me.”

haymitch is better than me cause alcohol would NOT have been enough

“Never released. That was a lie, theirs or possibly hers. A gift she gave me so I wouldn’t worry about her, only myself. And it worked. But now I know that she has been absolutely helpless, completely at their mercy, this whole time while I sabotaged their arena.”

quite literally nothing to smile about in life

“Maybe you should be the victor, Haymitch. That would give you some time to grow a backbone.”

layers of future trauma and ptsd to this statement like woah haymitch get behind me ☹️