Dead Inside > Recent Status Updates

“Just how does a man, who can’t move anything but his mouth, eyes, and a few fingers, kill himself? Well, one way is to chew off your own tongue and bleed to death.”

“I glanced at a darkened hallway at the end of the room, the stench of rot was very strong there, and black flies crawled upon the ceiling and walls, I’ll do you last, I whispered to the dark.”

“Well..hell I don’t know, bring a big fucking stick or something.”

"Don't you call my mother a stupid bitch! That's Dani, and she's a dumb fucking cunt, thank you!" "Ah, Dani. Dani the dumb fucking cunt. Yes, sounds about right."

“Ryland didn’t mind air travel but returning to Pennsylvania filled him with such sour dread that the only recourse was to take two Valium and remain inebriated for the duration of the flight.”

“She seemed dead somehow, but still very much alive. He sympathized with that, feeling like he was very much dead inside as well. It's not that he didn't feel feelings, but rather that the only thing he had felt since he was seven years old was pain, sorrow, fear, and misery.”

“He was his father’s favorite punching bag, and was the target of a few goons at school.”

“As she went down on him Ryland’s eyes kept moving to the stuffed animals on the dresser, they were watching him, judging him for some unknown indiscretion of which only they were cognizant.”

“They fucked in every position Baxter could think of, doing things he never dared ask a real girl to do, he smacked her around a bit, came wherever he pleased, inside her, in her mouth, on her face, her tits, her back, her stomach, her leg.”

“You never realize how fragile you are until you’re already in pieces.”

“Fuck you Samuel Hay”

“And more than that… more than anything… I want to bite off your cock and keep your ruined manhood inside my cunt forever.”

“I may not be praying, but I promise you… I will be on my knees.”

“It was old blood, decay, and the unmistakable sharpness of raw flesh, clinging to the air oppressively.”

“You’re not me! You’re not us! You fucker! Fucking fuck you fucker!”

“Talking to him felt like talking to God, but also to myself, which raised questions about my mental state, but that wasn’t anything to think too deeply on.”

“All I can do is listen and nod my head and pretend I understand all about cultural variants, and neo-Boulean mathematics, and post-symbolic logic, and I feel more and more stupid, and when you leave the apartment, I have to stare in the mirror and scream at myself”

“I’m not concentrating on anything in particular, just reading a lot of fiction now—Dostoevski, Flaubert, Dickens, Hemingway, Faulkner—everything I can get my hands on—feeding a hunger that can’t be satisfied.”

“You, you and you, he said, pointing at three of us, are nothing more than input signals to a single consciousness swimming in a god created void.”

“Where everything comes into alignment like the spinning of a top, gravity and propulsion marrying to keep a person and those to share these moments with turning in a true orbit preceding the inevitable wobble and fall.”

Was going to hell a threat that made people do the “right thing” simply to avoid going to the big bad furnace? If so, did those people do good out of true desire, or from mortal terror?

“Few of us want to die. But death provides our lives with structure. As an end point, death gives meaning and significance to time. If time becomes insignificant because our lives are endless, our existence surrenders its value. We become adrift in time.”

“The way they wolf whistled at every piece of ass who sashayed past the building site, as if that taxed the limits of their imagination as to how far they could get with a beautiful, sophisticated woman.”

“She’s where I wanted to be, and I’m ashamed to be jealous of her, but what stings even more is the knowledge that I’ll probably never see her again.”

“I suppose I should be curious about the kind of stuff they’re injecting into my system, but I find that I don’t care.”

“I side-eye my phone and take another Xanax. The fact that I apparently have an imaginary psychiatrist can wait.”

“There was before, and there was after, and trying to make sense out of duration between the two was a fast track to madness.”

“Part of the whole not being depressed and anxious and having false memories thing was supposed to be embracing cautious optimism.”

“I know how to feed the fucking turtle.”

“His best option was to cultivate a focus so intense that it drove out the awareness of emotion, even where it couldn’t exorcise the emotions themselves.”