Lily > Recent Status Updates

CH 12: fathers. Author calls for expanded parental leave, but does not question why many are not taking the leave provided. It misses the mark but is SO close.

Getting fathers more engaged is a struggle. But to overcome you must know why they are holding back. This isn’t a question raised, disappointingly.

CH 11: lack of men in “HEAL” fields. I’m torn because yes, I can agree this is an issue, but the author seems to lose sign that he has claimed men (by biology) are more aggressive risk seekers. They seek fields with high economic return. The points in this CH seem to negate that.

Misogyny kept women out of STEM. It’s also keeping men out of HEAL. That should be the discussion. Not scholarships.

CH 10: I learned the term “redshirting.”

The author proposed giving boys 1 extra year of pre-k to assist in maturity differences in later years. I get where he’s coming from, but wouldn’t ALL kids benefit from this? He suggests letting parents choose (which would allow girls to take advantage) but that just feels like it doesn’t solve the problem?

He also calls for a lot of govt subsidies from… where?

CH 9: a discussion of “red pill” culture (aka: toxic masculinity… but isn’t recognize it as that).

Claims that women have inherent roles that aren’t based on relationships. Men’s are built into the family. Uh… wat. Honestly, as a women, I highly disagree. The societal role is based on misogyny and sexism. It’s not a *good* thing.

This chapter is very “let’s hear them out.”

CH 8:
The author: doesn’t understand toxic masculinity.
Also the author: let me explain why toxic masculinity is a false idea.

Also in this CH: tone policing, the incorrect assumption that femininity cannot also be toxic (the show New Girl provides some good examples imo), and men not being able to distinguish between “masculinity” the concept and them as an individual (which is a women’s problem I guess?)

CH 7: sex vs masculinity. Note, not “gender.” No discussion of trans individuals specifically; but a brief mention of intersex. But basically it was hand waved away.

Testosterone leads aggression. Which seems to be the main definer of masculinity in this chapter. Limiting to say the least. The author notes multiple times that nature doesn’t need to override nurture. Honestly, a bit confused on the point.

CH 7: men are experiencing absence of educational motivation. Makes me wonder: is it because they’ve had so much ready access and are already at full “saturation”. But there are few studies. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also noted: men’s lack of direction. The question remains: where are they inheriting the lack of direction from? Is it that navigation hasn’t kept up with adjusting directional of generational change?

CH 5: Men are more likely to be shut in with limited friendships. I m agree this is a serious issue. What concerns me is that the only “solution” the author seems to mention is the concept of “rental sisters” in Japan. Again, why is this problem on women to solve? I can understand how a class divide adds to this (fewer financial resources for therapy, etc) but this was not mentioned by Reece. A big lacking.

CH 4: racism exists! It has to be said and I appreciate this chapter for that. It brings up some good points re: incarceration & employment.

But it highlights that fewer black men are seen as “marriageable” aka “breadwinners” and called it “outdated & sexist”. I’m sorry, wasn’t the entire previous CH lamenting how men are struggling because they desire to be “providers” and aren’t any longer?

Ch 3: he’s SO close to getting it.

- Single men have worse health, employment, and social networks vs married men.
- Only 24% of men mentioned kids/grandkids as “a great deal of meaning & fulfillment.”
- “Within 6 years of their parents separating, 1 in 3 children never see their father.”

And yet only once does he mention “men’s freedom has often been stifled by patriarchy.” ASK WHY. I BEG YOU.

Chapter 2: men are getting paid “less” so women are catching up. Maybe the question, instead of how can we help pay men more, is why are the male CEOs and record-breaking companies subsidizing their profits at the expense of workers? Isn’t that a better question than “oh no men are almost getting paid as little as women?!”

Thoughts Ch 1: more men than women graduate? And yet women still earn less? It’s almost like women have to work twice as hard to get half as much. 🙄 Sorry, trying to keep an open mind.

Men struggle more in school because their brains develop later. Ok mayyyybe. But in relation to this “maturity gap” I’ve heard “girls, have patience with boys” MUCH more than “be like your sister.”

Very intrigued by the four quadrants of relationships (emotional, erotic, social, practical). That is giving me a lot to consider in what my own relationships look like!

I’m really loving that this book started with notes on how unpacking monogamy means unpacking colonialism, white supremacy, and misogyny. I wouldn’t say I “barely” see this mentioned in other texts, but I haven’t seen it in such a foundational way. I really appreciate this viewpoint.

I’d share another quote but I feel like I’m highlighting half the book. 😅

“Parisian perfectionists want to be perfectly liked, an “achievement” other types of perfectionists don’t prize. Even when everything else is going exactly the way they’d choose, when a Parisian perfectionists is experiencing difficulty connecting to someone with whom they want to connect, it can all feel for naught.”

“Movements don’t emerge because everyone suddenly decides to face the same direction at once. They rely on social patterns that begin as the habits of friendship, grow through the habits of communities, and are sustained by new habits that change participants sense of self.”