newborn reader - 74 > Recent Status Updates

We’re too broken, he and I. We were ruined years ago. And every time we could have or should have worked on ourselves, we didn’t. We couldn’t. We were too wrapped up in surviving, in distracting ourselves, in just getting through each day, to put in the work necessary to heal.

The connection we share should have been galvanized over the years. It should have been reinforced with love. Instead, our foundation was built on trauma.

This hurts, and there’s no easy way to navigate it. No instruction manual for the kind of grief and guilt I’ve let fester inside me for the last year and a half.

“For the last eight weeks, I’ve seen everything that amazing woman has to offer,” I continue. “Every wall she’s built, every fear she hides, every brilliant, maddening part of her. And I’m not going to let anyone—not even you—tell me that I can’t love her, because she deserves it, Anna.”

P236 - I think I am starting to understand the true impact of the trauma I’ve been trying to hide from. I’ve been so focused on surviving my grief that I’ve forgotten about living.

It’s a nice change to ache for want, rather than for loss.

❤️