David Quist > Recent Status Updates

label the other persons fears to diffuse their power.
perform an acusation audit in advance prepares you to head off negative dynamics before they take root. list the worst thing the other party can say about you and you formulate your responses about the situation.
remember u are dealing with soene who wants to be appreciated and understood. use labels to reinforce this idea - these r key things to remmeber

imagine yourself in your counterparts situation. empathy doesnt demand that u agree with the other person, but you acknowledge/convey that you are listening to them.
the reasons y a counterpart will not make an agreement with u are more powerful thatn why they will make one with you. label the barriers to make negotation easier
pause. after you label a barrior let it sink in. the other person will label the silence

20% - by labeling (saying vocally what your opponent is thinking) you make it easier for them to trust you. this is because the brain reacts to labeling emotions with rational thinking, and does not react with emotions as much

label by saying it seems like, it spunds like, it looks like. if they dont like just say "thats not what i said it was, thats what it seems like"

19% - use empathy, which is understanding the other persons feelings and vocalizing it to succeed. By doing so, you can identify their desires/concers, and address them to ensure they are met

Prepare an Ackerman plan (65,85,95,100). You need an extreme anchor, calibrated questions and well defined offers. Decreasing raises and ending in a non round numbers will get your counterpart to believe that he’s squeezing you for all you’re worth when you’re really getting to the number you want

Set boundaries and learn how to punch back with labeling and other described methods

Get ready to take a punch. Kick ass negotiators usually lead with an extreme anchor to knock you off your game. If ur not ready you’ll flee to your maximum without a fight. Make sure you prepare your dodging tactics to avoid getting sucked into the compromise trap

Prepare prepare prepare. When the pressure is on don’t rise to the occasion fall back on what you prepare. Design an ambition but legitimate goal and then game out the labels, calibrated questions, and responses you’ll use to get there. Once you’re at the table you won’t wing it

How to bargain hard: identify your counterparts negotiation style. They can be accommodative (just wants to agree with you and make sure you are still friends regardless of business) analyst (hates surprises and analyzes everything to the core. Likes to take time when coming to a solution) or Assertive (likes to hear themselves talk and is straight to the point. Doesn’t care about future deals)

Use your name to make yourself a real person to the other side and get your own personal discount. Humour and humanity are the best ways to break the ice and remove roadblocks

A persons use of pronouns offers deep insight into their relative authority’s if you’re hearing a lot of i me and my the real power to decide lies elsewhere. If they use a lot of we they and them you are dealing with someone who wants to keep their options open and someone who is a lot smarter

Is the yes real or counterfeit? Test it with the rule of 3: use three calibrated qyestions, summaries and labels to get your counterpart to reaffirm their agreement at least 3 times. Make sure the confirmations are not simple yes but things that require contemplation.

Follow 7-38-55 percent rule. 7 percent language 38 percent tone, 55 percent body language and attitude. Incongruent between the words and overall signs will show that the negotiator is lying.

Use how questions to shape the negotiating environment. You do this by using: how can I do that as a gentle version of no. This will subtly push your counterpart to search for other solutions (your solutions) and will make them bid against themselves

How to guarantee execution: ask calibrates how questions and ask them again and again. Asking how keeps your counterparts engaged but off balance. Answering the questions will give them the illusion of control. Will also let them contemplate your problems while making demands

Bite your tongue. When you are attacked in negotiation, pause and avoid any angry emotions. Instead ask a calibrated question. Remember there is always a team on the other side. If you are not influencing those behind the table you are vulnerable

Calibrate your questions to proint your counterpart towards solving your problems. This will encourage them to expend their energy on dividing a solution.

Don’t ask questions that start with Why unless you want your counterpart to defend a goal that serves you. Why is always an accusation in any language

Ask calibrated questions that that with the words how or what. By implicitly asking the other party for help, these questions will give your counterpart an illusion of control and will I sprite them to speak at length, revealing important information

How to create the illusion of control: don’t try to force your opponent into admit that you are right. Aggressive confrontation is the enemy of negotiation. Avoid questions that can be answered with yes or tiny pieces of information. They require little thought and inspire the human need for reciprocity and you will be expected to give something back (tit for tat)

People take more risks to avoid a loss than to realize a gain. Make sure your counterpart sees that there is something to lose by inaction

You can bend your counterparts reality by anchoring his starting point. Before you make an offer, emotionally attach them by saying how bad it is. When you get to numbers, set an extreme anchor to make the real lesson aggressive. The real value of anything depends on what vantage point your looking at it from.

The word fair is an emotional term people use to usually exploit to put the other side in defensive and gain consciousness. When someone uses the word fair to you, do not become defensive but ask them to clarify how you are mistreating them

Approaching deadlines entices people to rush negotiation and do impulsive things (may be in your favour)

Splitting the difference is wearing one black and one brown shoe so don’t compromise. Meeting halfway Leads to bad deals for both sides

To bend their reality: remember all negotiations are defined by a network of subterranean desires and needs. Once you find that out (through research or careful questioning) you will be miles better prepared

That’s right is better than yes. Makes breakthroughs. Use a summary to trigger that’s right. Building blocks for a good summary are a label combined with paraphrasing. Identify, restrict late and emotionally affirm the we world according to…

This can be done by creating unconditional positive regard, which opens the door to changing thoughts and behaviours. Humans have an innate urge toward socially constructive behaviour. The more a person feels understood, and positively affirmed in that understanding, the more likely that urge for constructive behaviour will take hold

Getting them to say that’s right changes the approach. You’re right means they want you to stop talking but that’s right means they agree with you.

Get your opponent to say no. No lets the real issues to be brought forward no protects from making ineffective decisions. No slows things down so people freely embrace decisions and agreements no helps people feel safe and secure no moves everyone’s effort forward no makes u feel in control