Mrs Calloway > Recent Status Updates

- trust is cherishing each other and showing your partner that you can be counted on
- everyday commitment = you invest emotionally everything you have in this relationship
- if things are not going well, you voice these to your partner, rather than complaining to somebody else
- you cherish what you have and nurture gratitude

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5. Explain and examine any feelings that were triggered during incident but were originally felt long before incident
6. Each partner assesses how they contributed to the event and their level of accountability.
7. Each apologises and accepts the others apology.
8. You make a plan together to prevent this from happening again.

How to repair a break in trust:
1. Set a specific rim and place to talk
2. Each partner names the feelings they experienced during the breach in trust, without blame or criticism
3. The receiving partner listens without judgment or feedback
4. Each person describes their view about what happened during the incident without blame or criticism while other person tries to listen and empathise
…

The four skills of intimate conversation:
1. Put into words what you are feeling (I am agitated, happy)
2. Ask your partner open-ended questions (how do you feel?)
3. Make exploratory statements to help open up your partners feeling and needs (tell me the story, I am listening)
4. Express tolerance, empathy and understanding towards your partner (I understand how you feel, I’m on your side)

Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time. They are, however, allowed to change, only it must be a complete change.

Thus sharply did the terrifying three learn the difference between an island of make-believe and the same island come true

Strange to say, they all recognised [Neverland] at once, and until fear fell upon them they hailed it, not as something wrong dreamt of and seen it last, but as a familiar friend to whom they were returning home for the holidays

A date night is more than an obligation. It’s a commitment to your relationship to your hopes for a happy marriage

The goal is to have a special date once a week and make that a priority in your relationship

Happy relationships are ones where couples are able to repair after conflict and connect to each other day to day

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- rituals of connection (dates)
- maximise the positive and minimise the negative
- an overall perceived negativity will erode the relationship
- couples need to be on the same side

Couples most likely to have the happiest marriages show the following characteristics when they talk about their relationship:
- fondness, affection, admiration
- emphasise the good times
- compliment their partner
- ability to communicate well and their mutual togetherness
- positive and energetic talking about their relationship
- express intimate information about themselves
- express pride passing challenges

Traditionally, psychologist believe that hardwired, biological differences between the brains of men and women determine differences in their feelings and behaviour. However, research has shown that although most people are born with either a male or female body, the cultural environment in which they grow up has a great impact on whether they develop stereotypical masculine or feminine feelings or behaviours.

Will they reach the nursery in time? If so, how delightful for them, and we shall all breathe the side of relief, but there will be no story. On the other hand, if they are not in time, I solemnly promise that it will all come right in the end.

“You just think lovely wonderful thoughts,” Peter explained, “and they lift you up in the air.”

It is humiliating to have to confess that this conceit of Peter is one of his most fascinating qualities. To put it with brutal frankness, there was never a cockier boy.

If you thought at all, but I don’t believe he ever thought, it was that he and his shadow, and brought near to each other, we joined like drops of water; and when they did not, he was appalled.

…Since this “ideal self” can never be attained, it degenerates into what Horney called the despised self. The real self, she argued, is a person’s natural self, which has an authentic picture of who they are. Being in touch with this real self is what Horney called self realisation. {attachment to ego, which can be fueled by social pressures/conditioning but I don’t sense that is the only cause}

Karen Horney believed that many psychological problems are caused by social conditioning rather than biology… She argued that, under healthy circumstances, people usually have a realistic idea about who they are and what they can achieve. However, due to social pressure, many people have an unrealistic, or idealised, image of who they ought to be….

The real… Is the world as it is “in itself”… We can either sense, understand, nor putt into words[Lacan] thought that because we can never know the real, we have a constant sense of incompleteness. This sense can either motivate us to do great things, or it can lead us into self-destructive behaviour. {incompleteness is what one feels if they only identify with their humanity; instead Wholeness/oneness}

They were already the only persons in the street, and all the stars were watching them. Stars are beautiful, but they may not take an active part in anything, they must just look on forever.

“Can anything harmless, mother after the night-lights are lit?”
“Nothing, precious,” she said; “ they are the eyes a mother leaves behind to guard her children.”

[Mr Darling] was ashamed of himself, and yet he did it. It was all owing to his two affectionate nature, which cried for admiration. When he had tied her up in the backyard, the wretched father went in and sat in the passage, with his knuckles to his eyes.

It is an astounding thing to have to tell, but this man, though he knew about stocks and shares, had no real mastery of his tie. Sometimes the thing yielded to him without a contest, but there were occasions when it would’ve been better for the house if he had swallowed his pride and used a made up tie.

She decided to roll the shadow up and put it away carefully in a drawer, until a fitting opportunity came to tell her husband.

Nana had no doubt of what the best thing to do with this shadow. She hung it out at the window, “He is sure to come back for it; let us put it where he can get it easily without disturbing the children.” but unfortunately, Mrs. Darling could not leave it hanging out at the window; it looks so like the washing and lowered the whole tone of the house.

You may be sure Mrs. Darling examined the shadow carefully, but it was quite the ordinary kind.

“A Iie would have no sense unless the truth felt dangerous” - Alfred Adler

…Adler argued than an inferiority complex can impaired personality development, and may lead to chronic distress if left unchecked.

Alfred Adler coined the term “inferiority complex” to describe a condition in which a person suffers from an overwhelming sense of inferiority that they cannot overcome. He believed that someone within an inferiority complex will often try to overcompensate by, for example, being aggressive or competitive in the company of others in order to hide what they feel is the “truth”: that they are inferior….