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so picture this: you’re reading web novels, you go to sleep, you wake up, you’re a fish… you’re a fish? and you’re in ancient china? AND THEYRE TRYING TO TURN YOU INTO SOUP?

You flap out of the eunuchs hands of course, but then a cat that the guy is treating like a noble grabs you and RUNS but he gets stopped by a handsome man who adopts you as his pet. And he’s a prince. And it’s only been 28 pages?

‘Then Shen Qingqiu unleashed a final strike, which extinguished the last trace of light within Luo Binghe’s eyes.’

what if i cry just a lil

‘Like, he knew that going at it with the protagonist could have cured the poison, but like he could do that! Could he? Ha ha ha ha…’

saving this quote for future reference

‘After wrapping Jiang Suizhou’s ankle, he slipped his boot back on for him. Privately, Huo Wujiu couldn’t help feeling a bit relieved when that luminously pale skin was covered once more by fabric.’

victorian men and ancient chinese men get hard at the hint of an ankle

The room fell quiet for a moment, and then seemingly out of nowhere, Huo Wujiu’s clear voice abruptly cut through the air. “I’ll go with you.”

he’s so down bad for him it’s not even funny

‘This man’s tolerance for alcohol was clearly low enough that Huo Wujiu briefly considered advising him against drinking that bowl of baijiu. But the moment that thought crossed his mind, another subsumed it—a vivid memory of Jiang Suizhou losing his balance and tumbling into his lap.

He hesitated, then swallowed back down his unspoken objection.’

stockholm syndrome final boss

‘The man had, in fact, intentionally kept his head bowed. He very deliberately focused his attention on the bowl in front of him, struggling to suppress the smile that threatened to spread across his lips.’

hehehehehehehe

Drank heavily? Overexerted himself?

miscommunication trope lemme kiss u

‘The only slightly difficult thing would be finding a girlfriend. In this sort of male power fantasy stallion novel, any woman inevitably belonged to the male lead, as long as she wasn’t ugly. Everyone knew this.’

hate to tell you buddy but you also belong to the male lead

“Dumbfuck author, dumbfuck novel!” With his dying breath, Shen Yuan spat this final curse.

desperately need to know if the unsatisfying ending is what killed him lmao

hongjun spitting out food???? jinglong what have you done to him

SINNING WITH LIVESTOCK????

leading by example 👁️👄👁️

ashina adarvan you are becoming my biggest opp fr

:(

“it’s been so long,” A-Tai answered. “I’ve missed your hairy legs, Boss. Come over and let me fondle them.”

Alright i’m removing A-Tais dialogue rights. he’s not allowed to speak anymore!

‘Inside the relay station, Li Jinglong lay on his back, fast asleep with one arm wrapped around Hongjun’s shoulders and his chest serving as Hongjun’s pillow. Hongjun had plastered himself to Li Jinglong, as if strangely and innately drawn to the lamp inside his heart.’

chewing glass

‘Li Jinglong had to admit that there was something inherently magnetic about Hongjun.‘

lordsdddddd

“you want to crush me on a certain date?” i laughed SO MUCH

“you think he’s pretty” OHHHHHH I LAUGHD SO MUCH

i love how i made jokes about general gu getting ready to have his body meat puppeted by a whiny 18 year old trying to find a male wife, but that’s quite literally the plot of this book, and i’m eating up every word!

god i wanna hold these two so close i love them so much

“It’s alright, I like waiting” i’m chewing on the stuffing of my mattress as we speak

“he couldn’t let others see him in his wedding robes and huadian. Only Lu Wancheng was allowed to see that—nobody else.” and if i vacate this mortal coil what then

you open it like that??? REALLY???

excuse me it’s how big and packed with what now

WHAATTTT

‘They were both silent for a moment, and then Huo Wujiu raised his hand and roughly wiped the tear from Jiang Suizhou’s face with calloused fingers. As if trying to erase all the worries that troubled him.’

FUHHHH

‘He’d only tried massaging his leg a few times because he thought it might help. Why was Huo Wujiu so angry? Realization dawned on Jiang Suizhou in an instant. Of course… Huo Wujiu probably didn’t like having people touch his legs. He was likely a bit sensitive about them, being so recently disabled.’

bbg that’s NOT why he reacted to you touching him like that