Nicole > Recent Status Updates

12/25/2025

(Chapter 4)

Pg. 388: Genuinely helpful appendix. Includes DSM-5 criteria for diagnosing current severity (“Mild, Moderate, or Severe”) and descriptions of diagnosing criteria for 5 possible options:
“1. Inattention,
2. Hyperactivity and Impulsivity,
3. Combined Presentation,
4. Predominantly Inattentive Presentation,
5. Predominantly Hyperactive/Impulsive Presentation”

Pg. 384: I wish I did this for myself!
“Employers, schools or colleges…are usually well aware of the requirements under the ADA and the protections the law affords.
…If your loved one has experienced such discrimination as a direct result of their having adult ADHD, then you may wish to have them contact legal counsel or the U.S. Office of Civil Rights for further guidance on addressing their complaint.”

Pg. 347: Condescending.
“If your loved one must carry a cell phone... Does she really need a camera or Internet, e-mail, or Twitter access everywhere she goes? Perhaps she does as an aid to her memory difficulties…use the camera to take pictures of lists... She might want to use…the numerous apps that can help with time management, scheduling, reminders, and so on. If so, then a smartphone may make sense.”

Pg. 346: What if you have ADHD and you live with someone who also has ADHD? If so, who does Barkley expect to manage household finances?
“If you are married or living with someone with adult ADHD (and assuming you do not have ADHD as well), you should likely handle bill paying and budgeting. I am assuming here that you are more organized and timely in your management of money than your loved one happens to be.”

Pg. 330: Again, no citation! What research? I had & currently have the opposite experience of this. “Third, recognize what research shows us: Adults with ADHD, like children with ADHD, do not evaluate their own behavior and performance deficits the same way as individuals who do not have ADHD. They view themselves as functioning better than they actually may be doing in various tasks and major life activities.”

(Note to self:
Book progress: Chapter 17, page 105, 48%.
— Will finish story via audiobook; will go back later to highlight quotes/sections in ebook, once it becomes available again from the library.)

Harmful. Quote: childmind.org/article/controversy-aro...
“…the earliest form of applied behavior analysis [ABA] developed for autistic children by Dr. O. Ivaar Lovaas in the 1960s called Discrete Trial Training (DTT) …explains Susan Epstein, PhD, a clinical neuropsychologist. Use of aversive reinforcement methods, which included electric shocks, are not considered acceptable today.”

Chapter 13, page 94, 28%

(Chapter 4, page 24)

(Ch. 24, pg. 288, 73%)

(Ch. 18, of. 222, 56%)

The cover of this book is beautiful, both literal and symbolic for what’s to come in the plot. The cover is also much more colorful and nuanced than the Goodreads image that’s attached to the book.

Useful: List of Adult ADHD Clinics based in 28 U.S. states and/or U.S. territories, as of 2010 when this book edition was published.

Slightly better: “I hope that reading about the nature of ADHD…has made you think not just about your particular symptoms and the impairments they’ve caused you, but also about who you are aside from ADHD: not just your mix of symptoms and impairments, but your personality, psychological abilities, physical attributes, talents, living and working environments, and the resources available to you.”

Yikes, yikes, yikes. How is the following useful or encouraging? Chapter 11: “You are not a victim. ADHD is not a handicap. The fact that you’re reading this book says you are looking for answers, not excuses. But some of the people around you may be inclined to view you as a less capable individual because you have this condition.”

“Bulky sweaters and sweatshirts are space hogs. Reduce to two at most, so they fit in one drawer. By spring, they will be well worn, allowing you to toss and replace—guilt free—with the latest style.”
Hmm? Huh? I’ve owned clothes for decades that haven’t deteriorated in one season. I can’t imagine throwing away something in this way, let alone to only have 2 sweaters in a 4 season climate.

Ch. 7, 35%: “Now, more than ever, I wished desperately for a way to transfer pain, wished I could prove to my mother just how much I loved her, that I could just crawl into her hospital cot and press my body close enough to absorb her burden. It seemed only fair that life should present such an opportunity to prove one’s filial piety… The rite of an only daughter.”

Ch. 5, 27%: “I envied and feared my mother’s ability to keep matters private... She possessed a rare talent for keeping secrets, even from us. She did not need anyone. She could surprise you with how little she needed you. All those years she instructed me to save 10 percent of myself like she did, I never knew it meant she had also been keeping a part of herself from me too.”

Ch. 11, 63%: “Helping the adult with ADHD includes not just identifying problematic behavior and impairments and what to do about them but also identifying positive qualities and assets they may have... Skilled therapists can help offset or counterbalance negative self-perceptions; promote greater self-acceptance; and reinforce strengths, talents, and other qualities as needed for adults with ADHD.”

Ch. 10, 62%: “Treatment Works Better When You Instill Hope: You can make a great difference in how your loved one copes with ADHD by encouraging him to approach his treatment with a hopeful attitude.”

(Random comment, but interesting that in the audiobook, Dandelion’s name pronunciation has changed in this book compared to the pronunciation in The Last Wish and Swords of Destiny.)

Ch 10, 59%: “What will you need to do to help your loved one with owning, understanding, and dealing with their adult ADHD? To accept it and understand it yourself. Then you will need patience, tolerance, a sense of humor, realistic expectations, an ability and willingness to help them through crises, and a willingness to hang in there with them no matter what may be around the next corner.” MUCH better advice!!

(Chapter 5)

Chapter 9, 50%. Again, this is better advice for “moving someone from the ‘not aware of the disorder’ (precontemplation) to the next stage, ‘aware of the disorder’ (contemplation)”, but I wish that the following sentiment was emphasized more throughout the book:
“Avoid blaming or making your loved one feel guilty.”

Slightly better: “…familiarize you so that you see it, eyes wide open, as the serious problem it can often be for people afflicted with it. Doing so may help motivate you to try to help them with their struggle in coping with this disorder. And your encouragement may help motivate your loved one to get the help they may require to manage their disorder and reduce all the risks discussed earlier in this book.”