Vanessa > Recent Status Updates

For a socially awkward loner with only one friend he's clinging to, Isaac is so judgemental towards other ppl jfc. Starting to wonder if I should actually not be surprised he doesn't have any friends... Sometimes you need to make an effort, dude!

(Signed, a fellow socially anxious loner)

... I swear this kinda reads like Interview with the Vampire fanfic. (Janus = Marius, Amadeus = Arman, Etienne = Lestat, Léon = Louis)

We will find Alexander's corpse soon. He has been spinning in his grave since the release of this book. His corpse will be free soon to conquer us all again.

Alexander the Great actually wanted to live peacefully with his "partner" on the countryside.

THOSE MACEDONIAN SOLDIERS HE HAD MARCHING ACROSS HALF THE KNOWN WORLD FOR HIS AMBITION DIDN'T DIE FOR THIS SLANDER!!!

Too sexually pent up to think about a way to untie that "stupid knot". Orgasms lead to the best ideas. It is known.

(I am a gross puddle on the floor. I have melted.)

THIS ALEXANDER DOESN'T WANT TO USE VIOLENCE TO CONQUER THE WORLD

someone fetch me some smelling salts

Alexander the Great. Sweetie. I'm so sorry.

Alexander the Great not caring about military stuff because he's too busy oogling his "partner"...
...
...
...
Let me write my testament real quick.

Not Barsine telling Olympias - and I quote - that her son "dicked her down so good"

My eyes are wide. My mouth agape. My brain is scrambled.

"Will you be my partner?"

"Only if you will be mine."

"Deal."

SOMEONE SEDATE ME

Alexander called Hephaestion: "Baby"

I... I... just... asdfgghhjkl

HEPHAESTION CALLED BARSINE ALEXANDER'S "SIDEPIECE" BWAHAHAHAHAHA (sob sob sob)

Alexander and Barsine are having fake-sex to mislead everyone into thinking they're straight .

This book is an assassination attempt on me personally.

... a ball at which Roxana and Barsine also are. And their fathers are trying to get Alexander to marry them.

Bridgerton fic in my "Alexander" fic? I have seen everything now. Other terrible books can go home.

BALLROOM? They're having A BALL??????

Okay. Did AI write this? Someone be honest with me. I'm dying over here.

(At this point just assume I'm incoherently screaming in the backround somewhere)

Oh god, just one line further and it got infinitely worse:

Alexander.doesn't.know.about.Troy.either.

He's going "Achilles

Alexander: "What do you know about Troy?"

Hephaestion: "Not a whole lot."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJHSDFHKSDGKLSAGJKKSS /flops to the floor in despair

This book will break my brain.

The new King of Macedon just... goes to the beach with his bf one day after his father's assassination??????

(This world is so empty. Where are all the people who should be there? ESPECIALLY OLYMPIAS?)

This is absurd. Why write about Alexander when you're ignoring everything that made him Alexander??????

... I understand that this is no serious work of historical fiction that claims any accuracy but... was there ANY research beyond reading a Wikipedia article?