Sam Goodale > Recent Status Updates

“Enough of this wretched, whining monkey life.”

Yeah man

“Anybody who is tired of chickens is tired of life.” Profound

Factory farms are like Ryanair

I feel like Rorschach just had a really bad reaction after reading Camus or something

This book is insane

“‘I mean, there’s quite an array of babes to choose from.’”

Sheeeeesh

“After everything that’s happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? Because it is.”

Wow

“How mutable are our feelings, and how strange is that clinging love we have of life even in the excess of misery!”

Bar

“I asked, it is true, for greater treasures than a little food or rest; I required kindness and sympathy; but I did not believe myself utterly unworthy of it.”

Wow wow mary you crazy for this one.

“She drags that dead leg around like a useless burden. She is slow, and she eats a lot.”

Bruh this girl going to jail now for sure

Can fairies have sex with humans? Can they have babies together? What is the biology here?

“Who wants someone around who’s so covered in thorns?”

Jesus Christ

God damn this book is bad

This thing doesn’t have much of a plot does it

Truly Madly Plaid did the sexy healing scene waaaaaay better than this thing

“Either live as a beast, or live with the mask.”

We live in a society

“With a full, somewhat inhibited grin, he gazed down to admire his most magnificent erection.”

This one’s kinda funny Gary I’ll give you that

Billionaire by printing advertising flyers?? I don’t think we really use those anymore

Oh my god no. No no no Gary. No no no no

Now we’re committing tax fraud

“Vivacious, beautiful, sexy, and enterprising, she put herself through college by advertising her availability for casual sexual liaisons.”

What the fuck

What is up with paying for sex in this book? Also why are we making the super hot girlboss businesswoman pay for a sexy massage from a blind old man? Seems greasy to me

You guys this has taken an awful turn

“However, she was equally mindful that a deep recession might increasingly force many modest wage earners to seek lower-priced foods, regardless of potential health risk, merely to survive financially during a severe economic downturn.”

If that doesn’t tell you everything wrong with capitalism idk what does

Umm self-checkout machines is the fancy new project? You guys Walmart has had those for 15 years this isn’t revolutionary lmao

Hold up is Gary a vegan?

Two chapters in a row of PURE exposition, not a single line of dialogue. Not a good look

Last words AND deadpanned?? This is just Looking for Alaska

The world does need my white guy comedy podcast Hank

Were skinny jeans still popular in 2018 I can’t remember