Genna G > Recent Status Updates

[4/4]
That is why time never stands still. And that is why, small as they were, Joan’s choices had added up to something magnificent. In the changing of seasons these past four years, Joan had found it all. Something she loved, someone she loved, the parts of her she had hidden within herself.

[3/4]
They fall in love and make mistakes and learn new things and feel tired. They lose people they love and fail themselves and change or never change. They get new jobs and fall out of love. They convince themselves that if they just get this one thing, they will finally be happy. Day in and day out, the Earth keeps spinning and revolving and sailing through the Milky Way.

[2/4]
Then Summer turns to Fall, fall to winter, soon it loops back around and winter thaws to Spring, Spring to Summer. Through it all, babies are born from stardust and grow taller. They begin to walk and talk and learn the days of the week, the months, the seasons. Then they look up to the sky to she where they came from. And the adults spend more of their time looking down.

[1/4]
But as Joan had taken each small step forward, the world had kept spinning on its axis. Days had formed into weeks and months and years which people marked with watches and calendars all based on the only thing they had to tell what time it was: the stars. As the Earth orbits the sun, it shifts towards the sun’s warm embrace.

[21/21]
How does that not instantly make us more in debt to one another and also offer us the comfort that we are not alone.”

[20/21]
I want to spend my energy thinking not of how my actions might be frowned upon by a man in the sky, but how my actions affect every living and non-living thing around me. Life is God. My life is tied to yours and to everyone’s on this planet.

[19/21]
“As scientists, we call this symbiosis and it is a consequence of evolution but the nature consequences of our connections to one another, that’s God to me. I believe in it because I can see it with my own eyes. I know it exists. But I also believe in it because I want to believe in it.

[18/21]
What better reason to take care of this Earth and everything on it than the knowledge that we are of one another.” Joan thought about this so often that it startled her now to realize she’d never put it into words before. What a thrill it was to say it all. “The trees need our breath and our breath needs the trees.” She continued.

[17/21]
Even what is in my body right now, the cells, the air, the bacteria, it’s only mine. It is a point of connection with every other living thing. Made up of the same kinds of particles, ruled by the same physical laws. When you die, someone will bury you or turn your body into ashes. Eventually, you will return to the Earth. You already are a part of the Earth.

[16/21]
“Or better yet, we are the universe. I would go as far as to say that as human beings we’re less of a who and more of a when. We are a moment in time when all of our cells have come together in this body. But our atoms were many things before and they will be many things after. The air I’m breathing is the same air your ancestors breathed.

[15/21]
Joan considered this. “The Jewish philosopher Spinoza said that God did not necessarily make the universe but that God is the universe. The unfolding of the universe is God in action. Which would mean that science and math are a part of God.”
“That we are part of God because we are part of the universe.” Vanessa said.

[14/21]
“It’s a big caveat.”
“But the unifying theory does exist, it must, we just haven’t figured it out yet. And I think the pursuit of finding one law to explain the universe is, yes, science, but it’s also the pursuit of God.”
“Not the God that most people are talking about.” Vanessa said.

[13/21]
“Well, okay then, that’s already a pretty significant order to the universe right there. Everything that we know of since the big bang is ruled by those four forces. We’re all connected by these four rules. That’s the beginning at least, of learning how we are here. Now, we still need a unifying theory. Our understanding of the laws of gravity and quantum physics are not currently compatible.”

[12/21]
“The theory of general relativity explains the rules of the physical world at large scales. The world we can see with our eyes. Quantum mechanics explains the subatomic world. Like electricity and light.”
“Gravity and electromagnetism. I’m with you.”
“You combine them with the two other forces we know of in the universe: the strong force and the weak force.”
“I’m familiar.”

[11/21]
“Okay,” Joan started. “Well, the larger questions we ask when we talk about God seem to be ‘why are we here?’ and ‘is there an order to all of it? Is there someone or something in charge?’ But the thing is, science is largely about figuring out answers to those very questions.”
“Science is about figuring out the meaning of life?”
“Science is about figuring out the order to the universe, yes.”
“Okay.”

[10/21]
Joan beamed tried to hold back her smile. In all of her time spent watching others, she hadn’t picked up on this part of falling in love. That someone could look at you as if you were the very center of everything. And even though you knew better, you allow yourself a moment to believe you were worthy of being revolved around too.

[9/21]
Vanessa smiled, “You’re so passionate about the subject of God” she said. “I had no idea.”
“I’m passionate about the Milky Way” Joan said, “and I think God’s in it”
“I’m listening”
Joan looked at her askance “you really want to hear all of this?”
“Yes, I’m fascinated” Vanessa said.
“Really?”
“Desperately. I want to hear it all.”

[8/21]
“Because there are so many ways to define God and there’s still so much unknown about the universe. I could never say that science has obliterated the possibility of God. Certainly I don’t see that happening in my lifetime and I think something would be lost if it did. Or maybe I should say that I hope if it did happen it would only be because something more incredible was discovered.”

[7/21]
Joan sat up. “No no no, not at all. I don’t feel that way at all.”
“But why not? Why when they tell you that God created man out of thin air and then you learn about evolution, why does the whole thing not crumble for you?”

[6/21]
“Tell me,” Vanessa said.
“Well, my parents are Protestant. They believe that God made the world in six days. Eve came from Adam. The Earth is six thousand years old.”
“But that doesn’t work for you. “
Joan shook her head. “The Earth is at least four and a half billion years old. We know that objectively. So, I had to start asking myself different questions.”
“Because science and God don’t mix?”

[5/21]
“You said you don’t want to believe in a God that would hate. And if that God does exist you will remain defiant.
“Yes, that’s … yes.”
“Yeah, that’s incredibly daring and it’s beautiful.”
“What about you?” Vanessa asked, her voice quieting. “Do you believe in God?”
“I think I do. In a different way than you’re talking about though.”
Vanessa lay back on the bed, parallel to the headboard, and Joan did the same.

[4/21]
“No, nothing’s funny, it’s just, you’re so… dauntless.”
“I’m dauntless?”
“Yeah! I mean, you’re so bold. You seem so unafraid. I don’t know. I feel like I’m always trying to not cause problems. You’re not like that. You stand up for what you believe in. And I love what you believe in.”
“You do?” Vanessa said.

[3/21]
Vanessa turned on to her side to face Joan. “Because I do not believe there is any original sin in any of us and I can’t sit there and listen to someone say that there is. I don’t want to believe in any being who would judge and punish like that, and I’ll pay the price if I’m wrong and God does exist because I will not submit to a God like that willingly.”
Joan cracks a smile.
“What’s funny?”

[2/21]
“She says I’m stubborn,” Vanessa said, “but it’s hard to pick up the phone sometimes when I’m mad. And that doesn’t come from nowhere. I got it from her.”
“Don’t you miss her, when you aren’t talking?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then why not just go to mass when you visit her and ignore what they say?”

[1/21]
“You don’t believe in any God at all or just the Catholic God?
“The Catholic one is the only one I know and I will continue to fight against it until the day I die.”
“How do you mean?”
“I mean, sometimes my mother and I go months without speaking to each other because I refuse to go to mass and she refuses to drop it.”
“Months?”
“Once, it was a year.”
Joan’s eyes went wide.

Joan’s articulation of God as connection, science, and shared matter feels startlingly intimate, especially because it emerges only when someone is truly listening. The scene captures that rare experience of encountering your own unspoken thoughts in another person’s words, and realizing that love can be born not from agreement, but from being deeply, reverently understood.

I feel like I ghost-wrote this conversation between Joan and Vanessa in my inner thoughts throughout my life... it reads less like dialogue and more like a private reckoning finally spoken aloud. Belief becomes not a doctrine to defend but an ethical stance. A way of moving through the world with courage, curiosity, and care.

Joan does not believe in a traditional "man in the sky" God, but has rather a pantheistic view where "God is the universe".
"The unfolding of the universe is God in action".
Science and math are part of God.
Human beings and every living thing are part of this interconnected universe, and thus, part of God.

The middle of this book is like a drug and alcohol induced sapphic fever dream.

It occurs to me that our relationship is now in a phase where our togetherness hums with less meaning. It’s no longer an event when we’re in the same room.