Fred > Recent Status Updates

This is excellent stuff. I like it.

“I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire” - what an insult!

Talk about a lazy Sunday - I’ve basically spent the whole day reading this.

“I don’t do that with anyone. And after we’re married, don’t expect it on any night other than a Saturday, with the lights off. I was brought up properly, you know.”
I made a mental note to have plans for every Saturday night after we were married.

‘Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,’ I said quietly…a gust of body odour rushing towards me with such force that I reared back and hit my head against the confessional wall. 😂😂😂

“She slapped Julian’s forearm playfully, leaving her hand there afterwards, which made me want to pick up a stray knife from the next table and cut it off.”

This is phenomenal - epic, lucid, and so funny. A modern-day David Copperfield.

“What you know about women could be written in large font on the back of a postage stamp and there’d still be room for the Lord’s Prayer” 😂😂😂

“My wife’s death saddened me a great deal. I didn’t have sex for almost two weeks afterwards out of respect for her memory.”

😂😂😂