Sarah > Recent Status Updates

4. Create a Temporary Alternative World
- how to “mix it up”? Create a set of event-specific rules
- rules (temporary & democratizing) vs etiquette (staid & assumes sameness)
- Dîner en Blanc
- Rules can overcome the pull of technology
- “I am Here” days: commit to full days, generous authority of curator
- 10 push-ups if you’re late
- questions must build on info already shared

Omen #1: Obligation
- says who?

Omen #2: Objectivity
- according to whom?

Omen #3: Optics
- who will think this? Does this person matter to me?
- how do I know with certainty what they will think?
- is there another possible way my choice could be interpreted?

Omen #4: Outcomes
- how can I know with certainty this outcome will happen?
- what’s another way this could turn out?

“I only need to see as far as the headlights in front of me, and I can make the whole trip that way”

What if no “lily pad” appears?
1. Sceeen shot my mind
2. Articulate the desire
3. Do some research
4. Have a conversation
5. Take an action, any action

Don’t be a Chill Host
- generous authority: if you compel people to gather, exercise power as host for the good of the group
- run with a strong, confident hand but selflessly and for the sake of others
- protect your guests (Alamo Drafthouse)
- equalize guests: name tags with first names only, masks at parties
- connect guests with introductions (before?) and identify shared passions

Close Doors
- Purpose of gathering -> who is included
- people who aren’t part of the purpose detract b/c others welcome/include them which erodes focus
- good exclusion allows diversity to thrive: groups locked in historical conflict had liveliest discussions
- attend to size: groups of 6 - intimate; 30 is a party
- venue is the nudge: French château
- area, perimeter, density

To design a compelling gathering, decide on a specific and unique purpose. How?
- Zoom out: what is the impact on the world? How does this align with beliefs & values?
- Outcomes: how will people be different after this gathering?

Use purpose to decide who attends. Be honest about purpose. Consider a purpose that takes a stand, makes guests/hosts unsettled.

Delightful post-WWI European adventure

Habit 11: Ruminating
- identify a problem, make a plan to deal with it, move on

Habit 12: Letting Radar Distract
- take information in and weave it into main content
- gardener: mistakes -> beginner’s mind -> asset to work

Habit 10: Too Much
- excessive self-monitoring can inhibit ability to be best self & depress energy
- colleagues may take reluctance to respond as me having something to hide
- feeling/identifying emotion is power. Reacting squanders it (161)
- ideal response: powerful, confident, measured, authentic, rooted in emotion but expressed logically
- concision
- focus on competence & reliability (not disclosure)

Habit 9: Minimizing
- making myself physically small
- deferential language “just” or “only” - implies I shouldn’t be taking up the space
- talk about achievements by noting team’s effort while also how I strengthened/supported team
- hold physical space
- be present
- don’t multitask

Habit 8: The Disease to Please
- doing more than your job can elicit resentment in others (“why is she doing my job?”)
- fear of being gossiped about can lead to wishy-washy behavior; need to accept pushback
- create a list of what tasks I did in a week - are those in my job description?

Habit 7: The Perfection Trap
- Senior leaders need a “big-picture” orientation and perfectionism keeps me focused on small details
- healthy perfectionists delegate, notice details but consider them in larger contexts, work hard but let go when something doesn’t work out as planned, great sense of humor

Habit 6: Putting Your Job Before Your Career
- loyalty to org can keep one stuck
- loyalty to team proves I’m a good manager but top leadership positions leverage promotion
- “Senior executives succeed by extending external relationships to serve larger org”

Habit 4: Building Rather than Leveraging Relationships
- Leverage: key career skill that can pay outsize rewards; always reciprocal; used for tactical & strategic goals; intentional
- help others who are poised to rise

Habit 5: Failing to Enlist Allies from Day One
- “who should I connect with to make this job a success?”
- Allies: support efforts
- Sponsors: higher-ups who assist

Habit 3: Overvaluing Expertise
- learning every detail takes up bandwidth that could be spent building relationships
- expertise can demonstrate I’m perfect for job I already have
- expertise can make me indispensable to my boss

Four kinds of power:
1. Expertise
2. Connections
3. Personal authority/charisma - sets the most successful leaders apart
4. Positon

1. Reluctance to claim achievements
Advice: say thank you, rep leadership as key to org success which reflects well on entire org

2. Expecting others to notice & reward
Advice: have a concise elevator pitch ready to take advantage of chance encounters; craft a mission statement and evaluate opportunities against mission statement

12 behaviors that keep women stuck:
1. Reluctance to claim achievements
2. Expecting others to spontaneously notice & reward achievements
3. Overvaluing expertise
4. Just building rather than building & leveraging relationships
5. Failing to enlist allies from day one
6. Putting your job before your career
7. The perfection trap
8. The disease to please
9. Minimizing
10. Too much
11. Ruminating
12. Radar distract

Shape the Path: Build Habits
1. Identify mission-critical elements
2. Pass control of behavior onto environment
- action triggers (when this happens, do this)
- build a checklist
- build a habit that’s easy to embrace