Grant Doolin > Recent Status Updates

It is well known that stone can think, because the whole of electronics is based on that fact,

A boxful of marzipan ducks on a nearby stall came to life and whirred past the stallholder to land, quacking happily, in the river (where, by dawn, they had all melted: that’s natural selection for you).

The Luggage said nothing, but louder this time.

“I don’t like it,” said the picture imp, from his box around Twoflower’s neck. “Why not?” inquired Twoflower. “It’s weird.” “But you’re a demon. Demons can’t call things weird. I mean, what’s weird to a demon?” “Oh, you know,” said the demon cautiously, glancing around nervously and shifting from claw to claw. “Things. Stuff.”

“!” said the stranger, and grabbed his arm.

All the words the doctor had been saying—crushed spinal cord, diffuse blood pooling, paraplegic—finally reached his brain.

“Fookin’ bastahds flingin’ the victuals up, and the prols jus gotta shove, wut? Well, fook that, ya mudder-humpin’ spunk guzzlas!”