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I wanted mel and sally to last forever. I must be projecting.

why did I choose this book? it was supposed to be cathartic, but it reminds me too much of my life. every reminder sends pangs of grief through my chest.

“some memory you keep underneath, so you can get on with your life. It doesn’t work. what happens is that you end up moving from dream to dream.”

my life is full of daydreams and fantasies. I spend more time in my mind. the real world is foreign to me. it’s the only way I can escape.

what a wicked curse; to resemble so much of the person that ruined you.

“… I am my father’s child”.

as much as I despise him, we are inextricably intertwined. my personality I derive from him. I know this because it see it, like staring into a cracked mirror, and it’s terrifying.

I want to erase this part of me, but would it even help? interwoven with myself, I must learn to deal with it.

also, now I know why sally reacted the way that she did to douglas.

what a somber conclusion to part one. why do I find so many comparisons to my life in the pages? I’m scared that I am doomed to the same fate as sally. inevitable, but at least I can find catharsis in this novel.

I really love Lilith’s character, and no, the irony is not lost on me.

“But what, exactly, was the point? What was the use of calling up the past when you were drowning, how was it going to save you?”

I have thought the same. When I relay my thoughts, I don’t feel lighter because of it. I continue to replay the events of my life without resolution, as if I’m in a constant state of mourning.

Perpetual mental bloodshed. A constant, inescapable loop.

how is sally able to speak to douglas after he sexually assaulted her? am I over reacting, over-dramatizing the situation?

it’s been a while since I’ve found it hard to put down a book. I am instantly transported into the world of Sally Wang, which is strikingly similar to mine.

“… you’re not contemplating suicide anymore, but you’re not exactly jumping up and down at the prospect of living either.”

what a way to sum up my entire being since being conscious.

crying sobbing

poor crooks. to have hopes and dreams squashed by people who won’t even considering seeing you as a human being. I hope he tries to go with george, lennie, and candy again. it seems like they are the only ones who sees crooks as human. well, maybe slim too but I don’t know.

lennie is so innocent, he didn’t even think of crooks any differently than himself. george is a good mentor.

I hope that candy, lennie, and george can live together.

I don’t know why george ordered lennie to fight back knowing what he was capable of. I mean, slim was literally about to jump in and stop curley!

nevertheless, what a thrilling conclusion to that chapter.

poor candy. carlson and the rest knew they were deeply wrong for making him put his dog down. I couldn’t imagine; somebody (a stranger at that) taking MY dog and shooting them because he decided that he was no longer worth living, and me being too senile to do anything about it. I thought about henry. when you have a dog for that long they are no longer dogs, they’re family.

george’s character is already so funny to me. not even 50 pages in and I find myself laughing to myself, at one of his exclamations or expletives. though quick-tempered and fast mouthed, he seems to really posses a kindness about him. and he cares about lennie in his own special way.

even though I just started, I am enthralled beyond measure.

the dialect that george uses is so familiar to me. his southern aave, I can hear him clearly, picture his exact facial expressions. like a tired mom giving out to her child.

perpetually studying