Alan Smithee > Recent Status Updates

Paragraph breaks? Who need 'em!

Weirdly progressive for late '50s softcore porn. Racial politics of a small Louisiana town forms the backdrop to a torrid story of lust in the bayou. Torrid, I tell you!

Yuck!

All this guy does is bark orders, drink whiskey and oggle his underage daughter.

The levels of hipocracy in this thing are reaching critical mass. Our hero just took his 15 year old daughter to a brothel. Now he's acting contemptuously towards the madam. Spare me!

Man, this guy really hates France!

For a story about a psychic detective, there sure is a lot of underage perving going on.

I think the author read a book on Wicca. One of those cheesy Time-Life books. Yeesh.

We finally meet our hero - psychic detective / mediocre white guy John Christian Fifer. He's just as unbearably smug as one might expect.

Two pages in and already the writer is trying to give me a stroke.
Example:

"Only the boots didn't fit the rest of the uniform. They were made in Texas at three hundred dollars a copy on his own last and carried a shine which would have won the approval of a Prussian cavalry officer."

WTF is 'on this own last' supposed to mean? That there was no money for a proofreader?

Best line so far - "As with a great number of deviates and alcoholics, Kathy was more than ordinarily clever." p123 (Kathy is a lesbian and Chucklehead Reed's childhood friend.)

After 99% of all the women on Earth die, the first thing men do is stop shaving. The second thing they do is broadcast porn 24/7. Hilarious.

So 99% of the women world-over die and the first thing the men do is stop shaving and start running porn on broadcast tv? Huh.

Ellipses count = 346. I think this is going to be a new record.

The plot wouldn't work if the protagonist weren't a complete dunderyutz.

So far, the author has used ellipses 336 times. I'm beginning to suspect he might not be a very good writer.

Man, this guy really hates Japanese people!

It takes 120 pages before the plane finally crashes!

Still no alligators.

Almost halfway through the book and not a single alligator. I was promised %&*@# alligators!