Ali L > Recent Status Updates

If I went to England for five years and came back to the states only drinking tea and saying “innit” and “rubbish” y’all would be allowed to hit me with a car

LMAO WHAT THE FUCK

jesus fucking christ how can this go on for two hundred more pages

finally something is happening besides this guy not swearing and doing long division for fun

accuracy in sci-fi is wasted on me. This guy could be saying “the paragrem was four dolemeters wide but only six haxiyangs long, which is nearly impossible, for obvious reasons” and I’d be like “yeah those reasons do seem pretty obvious” like I’ll literally believe anything

it’s ok Ryland, I also have absolutely no fucking clue what’s going on

I fully admit to being in my feelings right now but this book is so good I could scream

never said this before but CHEAT ON YOUR HUSBAND BOO HE SUCKS

this guy never using question marks is enraging me to a really disproportionate degree

ok I’m in

Ima be real with y’all: this book is incredibly fucking weird

if you, like me, are very into “men down so bad it’s inarguably and embarrassingly pathetic” I have some great news for you

y’all I ain’t got a single good thing to say about this book lol I’m sorry I feel like I’m letting the entire nation of Scotland down

I would LOVE it if this guy stopped referring to his wife’s skin as “baby-soft” right before he fucks her thanks

SHE is a tiny little baby-sized itty bitty teeny thing
HE is the Chrysler building
DID WE MENTION HOW SMALL SHE IS
BARELY VISIBLE TBH

like everyone who has ever met him, I have an exasperating crush on Silas Byrd

I’m going to be totally honest: I have no idea what’s going on in this book. Everyone has kidnapped each other, tried to kill each other but, like, not really even though I feel like that would be the most logical move, is horny for each other, and it’s all taken place within 24 hours. And why is everyone whispering all the time? Use your outside voices.

I really hope there’s a fight that turns into passionate kissing at some point this would be a great fight-to-kiss book

I wonder if anything will happen between the king who sets stuff on fire and the guy named Asher

get it

because of what ashes are

get it

oh my god it’s grumpy-clueless/golden retriever OH MY BODY NEEDED THIS FR FR

I just skipped a sex scene if you’re wondering how it’s going

I’m supposed to be reading Carmilla but I can’t tear myself away from this amnesia-sports-fated mates-wtfwtfwtf telenovela

this just took a hard left turn into WhatTheFuckville and I’m going to make it EVERYONE’S problem

“oh my god it’s SO LONG why is it SO LONG oh my GOD it’s about SPORTS oh no this is tragic wait IT’S AN AMNESIA BOOK ABOUT TEAM MATES WHO ARE SECRET LOVERS” this has been a real rollercoaster y’all

this is like a much lower stakes Dungeon Crawler Carl without a talking cat and shape shifting manager

the most unrealistic part of this book is that Lord Henry has gone this long without someone shooting him because this motherfucker is annoying as shit

I don’t know if I can get through this much nonstop dry quippiness, gang

maybe I’m just in a mood but I think this book is altering my DNA idk

I do not want to spoil this for anyone since it’s release day so let me update you with emojis:

🫠😬😅

the comfort of opening an Ali H book and just knowing that at some point the guy is gonna “it’s always been you you dumb bitch” (paraphrasing) the girl