TL *Humaning the Best She Can*’s Reviews > Nursing is My Cardio: A Collection of Reader-Submitted Medical Stories > Status Update

If you engage in unprotected intercourse and do not wish to become pregnant, it’s better to purchase Plan B or consult your physician, rather than attempt to ‘clean yourself out’ with bleach, followed by a chaser of ammonia.

Our patient sustained severe chemical burns and was transferred out.

(Cont in comments)

This job can leave you feeling isolated, I’ve learned that. You’ll learn things about people that nobody else knows, and even when it comes down to a need to use those details to explain why you can’t support someone, you can’t. Details of the patient’s abuse were never made public, and even if they were, I couldn’t talk about anything I’d seen because it is my job to uphold patient privacy.

(Cont in comments)

You never know if you’re going to be a fight or flight during an emergency.

What will I do if a patient falls out of a wheelchair in front of me?

Apparently yell, “Oh shit!”

--Anonymous

We had a prostitute come in one night, claiming her John had ‘effed her too hard.’ She said he never choked, hit, or abused her during their session, but she wanted us to document that he did not ‘make love gently,’ because he was a well-known attorney and she thought she would be able to extort money from him.

Yikes.

--M.E. New Jersey

One time, we picked up this guy experiencing a bad LSD trip. He had to be restrained and eventually sedated because he was terrified of anything that was the color blue.

--C.H. Washington

We got wind of a frequent flyer going on the Maury show. You’d better believe that there will be a viewing party for that episode. Alcohol will be involved. We’re already starting a pool for the first person brave enough to say something like, “You said this was the worst ER ever and that you were never coming back. Our lie detector determined…that was a lie.”

While at work, I used a pencil to scratch my inner ear. The hot pink, cupcake-shaped eraser top broke off, and when I tried to remove it, I pushed it further down the canal. I had to leave my shift early, register in the ER, and go under for a surgery that cost me $2,000 after insurance.

This is especially difficult to share because I am a 48-year-old male doctor and was on shift in the ER that night.

I have lost count on how many complaints of ‘green poop’ I encounter in the days following St. Patrick’s Day. As a physician having to explain food coloring to men and women ranging in age from 18-45, I find myself increasingly concerned about the direction of our species.

--B.E., M.D. North Carolina

I'm concerned about humanity for many reasons especially these days

After examining a 4-year-old, I asked my nurse, “Can you get him scheduled for a T & A?”

The patient’s mother gasped and angrily scolded, “I hardly think that’s appropriate. He’s only a kid, and I don’t know how that would help his sore throat. After I report you, you’ll never be able to get a job again.”

(Cont in comments)

There are happy endings out there, despite what the media and everyone else would like you to believe. Miracles happen every day, and good news comes when you least expect it. I hope you and your readers can remember this story when you’re feeling that there is no good left in the world.