Ondrej Ko’s Reviews > The Coaching Manual: The Definitive Guide to the Process, Principles & Skills of Personal Coaching > Status Update

Research suggests that our intelligence (our IQ) might account for just 20 per cent of our career success. The rest is down to our personality, (preferences, attitudes, postures, etc.) and, of course, emotional maturity. This is great news because, although personality and IQ remain fairly fixed over time, our emo-tional maturity is something we can always work on, to develop and improve.

Emotional maturity-a key to coaching

It is important to recognise that we do not always occupy one fixed place: metimes, we are relaxed and resourceful; sometimes, we are uptight and crit-al. To be an effective coach, we want our general levels of emotional maturity most circumstances to stay healthy. By 'healthy', I mean that our behaviours d responses create a mostly constructive effect over time.

Keeping things simple

Simple questions often have the greatest impact because they allow your coachee to use their energy to form their response, rather than to try to under-stand the wording of the question. In addition, simple questions often get 'to the heart of the matter' more easily, because of their direct (straight-talking) nature: for example, 'What's important about that?' or 'What causes this?' We obvious

Relationship factor: openness and trust

A successful coaching relationship is built on a foundation of openness and trust between the coach and the coachee. As a coach, you encourage this by being open with your coachee and demonstrating that you are someone they can trust.

At a Glance

Watch my feelings!

It is okay to mirror positive feeling words

Sometimes, we need to acknowledge someone's feelings as a way of empathising with them, or to demonstrate we understand what they have said. Here, it usually works best to use the exact words or phrase they use.

But

avoid embedding negative feelings...

BELIEFS WE OPERATE FROM

Once skills are acquired, it's not like riding a bike - we coaches do forget! These skills are more like muscles; they must be used regularly to keep them strong.

Fundamental skills of coaching

Building rapport and relationship

Constructive feedback

Focused levels of listening

Asking effective questions

Use of intuition

BELIEFS WE OPERATE FROM

Once skills are acquired, it's not like riding a bike - we coaches do forget! These skills are more like muscles; they must be used regularly to keep them strong.

A collaborative coach needs to temper the basic human instinct to be right about something. By giving up an attachment to finding a solution to a coachee's problem, we are actively encouraging them to find their own solution. Collaborative coaching encourages someone to be more powerful, more creative, and more in action around situations, by helping them to find their own ways forward.

What does non-judgement feel like for a coach?

Put simply, to be in non-judgement feels like nothing, because there is nothing going on! During a coaching conversation, you are not having an internal dia-logue along the lines of "That's not right, that's an awful thing to say, etc. Instead of being distracted by your own thoughts and views, you are really listening, and present, to the flow of the conversation.

As

When we do not regard someone with an open mind, we are less likely to understand them. This lack of understanding has a direct impact on our ability to relate to the individual and how things are for them. At the same time, we diminish the warmth and openness in the relationship, and reduce our ability to influence the other person.