Linda’s Reviews > How to Be a Calm Parent: Lose the guilt, control your anger and tame the stress - for more peaceful and enjoyable parenting and calmer, happier children too > Status Update

A Nietzsche quote about family life and love. Why not also quote him on the ability of self-deception? “We are like shop windows in which we are continually arranging, concealing or illuminating the supposed qualities others ascribe to us-in order to deceive ourselves.”

I understand the point of being a child’s confidante as they become older - and of course punitive discipline is coercive. But I don’t understand why coercion is so frowned on. It’s not like they know how to discipline themselves.

The pause as a precursor to immediate response is a definite act of resistance in popular culture.

“A child needs to be self-centered in order to survive.” This sounds like it should makes sense, but self-centeredness doesn’t help someone who only slowly moves from complete dependence to independence. Also, it discounts parents as necessary leaders in survival…and parenting is the stated topic.

“Cognitive empathy is about understanding someone else’s emotions without going through them ourselves. Emotional empathy…is about experiencing the other person’s emotions as your own.”

Agreed, problem-solving includes cultivating a mindset of alternative solutions. Flexibility and resilience can be helpful - as well as knowing where the boundary lines lie. Otherwise, there’s no true north.

If the point of forgiveness is people-focused, some wounds go too deep for forgiveness. But since Jesus was able to request forgiveness for those who murdered him, I’d say that understanding their perspective (horizontal forgiveness) is less important than vertical forgiveness (releasing justice to God).

“Since anger is such a reviled emotion, it keeps most of the focus on the people who have to deal with the angry person.” I hope at some point there a discussion of how anger might be a response to injustice done.

This book is a mix of practicality, insight, and idealism. Can’t agree that “no child deliberately wants to make life tough for their parents”, (I’ve been a difficult child) but I found the breakdown on types of anger very useful and revealing.