Meredith is a hot mess’s Reviews > Off Limits > Status Update

...on the back porch.

He acted inappropriately possessive in the beginning.

There was a lot of strategy going on.

For him, I think some of it was intentional and other things like mate guarding maybe subconscious.

Mate guarding - for men they're more concerned with sexual infidelity because of paternity.

There were other studies that were interesting, I can't find them.

I don't understand why he did that to me and not other casual fwb/hook ups.

I felt like his plan from the beginning was to embarrass me. I'm dumb, from a small town, so breadcrumb me, occasionally act like a boyfriend.

Resource guard. I won't be sleeping with any of the guys.

He'll be sleeping with all the girls

He'll look like 'the man'

I remember early on him mentioning Joe being possessive of Ashley...

I didn't know about beta orbiters.

I didn't know about resource guarding, especially that guys do that sometimes with casual hook ups/fwb.

I went down this rabbit hole a long time ago, there's an evolutionary explanation to resource guarding. There's research and (imo) it's indicative of abuse? Them being abusive? Rooted in a cuck fear

I forgot.

The 3CE night.

That's an example of the asshole and I having 2 different experiences.

I'm not sure what his intent or motivation was with suggesting we both do 3CE, together? And he takes a low dose and is grumpy the entire time. Doesn't do anything with me. Suggests I walk with his friend group...we walked in nature. He disappears for hours and I'm left with his friend group who of course...

It's difficult to write about psychedelics. The experience.

A favorite author who wrote a memoir, the woman who rode camels across Australia?

She mentioned doing a lot of psychedelics with friends in Australia, a new city she moved to. She said she was writing a memoir about psychedelics, but it was difficult to put into words

...but sober. Or high on weed.

I picked up on that then.

Very different to the dynamic I had with L when we would trip - we were both experiencing it together.

This added to the creep factor. He doesn't respect me enough to trip with me like a friend would and he's going to be more sober than me

The problem with that situation was that I couldn't completely drop him. We lived at the same place.

That's another thing I picked up with him. So much talk about partying, but he was never drunk. Even the one time that he suggested we trip together? He took a very low dose. So he wasn't really tripping.

Even that made it feel unequal/uneven

I think one time I was on acid and he was just around me...

Soon after that I dropped him and shifted back to E & C.

During that time I was really being clingy with my ex bff. I would go to her room, beg to sleep with her. Not even have sex, just sleep next to her. Always wanted to do stuff with her, go downtown.

That's clingy.

N never implied I was clingy, one time on molly when I was overwhelmed he asked if I was okay, he was worried about my health (increased heart rate) and he had a truck and driver's license.

Or even Savannah. Guaranteed good product and she stayed in her room all the time, never left. There was a feeling of safety in her room.

when I left him on the stairwell.

Makes me happy to this day to know that he waited while I was driving home.

With rolling/tripping buddies what you need is people who will stay with you and can be relied upon to drive you to the hospital if something happens. N was a better friend to do drugs with.