Marquise > Status Update

Aw, your reviews are always so fun and fair! But, you must do what you must do.

For me, GR has been a godsend because it keeps me off of OTHER social media platforms, lol.

I feel the same way. Work has kept me off line in this case 🫣 but I do feel less stressed and more productive when I’m not using apps.

Tammy wrote: "For me, GR has been a godsend because it keeps me off of OTHER social media platforms, lol."

Haha, that's what GR is for me too. I get all my socialising needs from this site, the other one I'm at is because I have to keep up with my town news.

Thank you, Tammy. <3

Meishuu wrote: "I feel the same way. Work has kept me off line in this case 🫣 but I do feel less stressed and more productive when I’m not using apps."

Feel you, Mei. What do you think you will do? Regarding your online presence, I mean, specifically here.

Oh! I just “met” you! I get it though. GR is different me. It’s actually kinda my UNsocial media. It’s just kinda nerd out with “friends” and research time. Even if it’s not GR, I very much hope you find the BEST balance for your heart. ❤️

I don’t have any other form of social media. I stopped using Facebook 10-15 years ago and I felt so much better after I did. So I get what you mean. I have never been on whatever else is out there. I don’t have a large friend list on here (but more than I ever anticipated having even 6 months ago) compared to some others and I am definitely okay with that and prefer it that way. I probably have a few I could remove and they wouldn’t notice. I am not able to currently work and books have become an even bigger part of my life due to that and talking to others about books has really helped me get through some of my days. If I was able to be working and do things like I used to be able to do, I probably wouldn’t be on here nearly as much as I currently am. I wish you all of the best if you choose to no longer be on Goodreads.😊. You have to do what is best for you and your mental well-being. 💕.

Goodreads itself is not a book. And even a book can be left for something more interesting. :) And you cannot read the same book twice in the same way :) Choose always the freedoms and the sense, wherever you find them!

Goodreads can also be full of sense and still there is enough freedom in it, so probably you need just to change the frequency of your visits? So many good books and good friends are waiting you here!

You'll be missed!

Hey Marquise, I am more or less in the same boat as Marta and Tammy, with GR serving as my main outlet on the Internet currently, and I guess I can get behind your motives for seasonal breaks or a definite leaving of this ship, HMS (or is it USS?) GR :) Be it as it may, I can only support your dedication to cultivate a better life and your decision in the event that you stop using the platform altogether! At any rate, I want to thank you for the rejoicing conversations so far :)

It might be. I've thought about it myself.

😢 for us. 🙂 for you. I stopped writing long reviews—just a few lines—and just post my reads and tbrs now. Much saner. I only got on GR because I was an author—I don’t rate or review my books—but have found wonderful people like you to interact with about books. I’d hate to see you go, but you gotta do what’s best for Marquise, not us! 🙂

Aww, it is sad but I get it. I am used to taking breaks from GR by now😅 honestly disappearing is not the worst if it means coming back on your own terms!

I think you should do whatever makes you happy. If stepping away benefits your mental health, then GR will just have to go on without you.

I’m assuming you’ve thought about why taking a break from GR makes you feel better, but I’m curious. Is it not dealing with trolls/unwelcome comments that makes you feel better when you’re away from that? Or writing a review that takes time? Or just the time it takes away from the offline life?

(I’ve stepped away before when I was stressed, but it turned out that I actually have fun here, and I remember books much better when I make myself write an essay about them 😅. Plus the quality and the breadth of my reading declines when I’m no longer inspired by seeing what my GR friends are reading).

To me, it just feels like finding the right balance for you that's important here. Like I'm off GR one day every week. I love that day off to be honest. Though I also love connecting with friends about books. So you could maybe try to find a balance that works for you and makes you happy.

If you do feel like saying goodbye to GR for your happiness and mental health, we would absolutely support your decision. And as you say, there are other ways to stay in touch. Still, we'd definitely miss you here. Or I would at least :)

Diany wrote: "Oh! I just “met” you! I get it though. GR is different me. It’s actually kinda my UNsocial media. It’s just kinda nerd out with “friends” and research time. Even if it’s not GR, I very much hope yo..."

Hi! Nice to meet you, Diany. *shakes hand*

I think there's many like me who are finding it best for themselves to be offline periodically, not just here. I'm not even one of the "chronically online" crowd, but it sure takes a significant chunk of my time to hand 'round.

Marta wrote: "I don’t have any other form of social media. I stopped using Facebook 10-15 years ago and I felt so much better after I did."

Same! I migrated to GR from Facebook. My first book discussions were on FB, the weekly questions updates also started at FB (a friend of mine used to do them on the group we were in and I took over after her), but I didn't leave FB voluntarily as much as that the people that mattered to me either stopped using it or migrated elsewhere.

All the socials I've been in, and are, have been because I followed someone that mattered to me. Here on GR, most of the people I first befriended are gone, the last one of that group I had an interaction with was 4 years ago. o.O

Emiliya wrote: ".Goodreads can also be full of sense and still there is enough freedom in it, so probably you need just to change the frequency of your visits?"

Yeah, that's a good idea. I've thought of that myself, I don't know yet what frequency would be it, but I am definitely going to alter either the frequency or way of interaction here soon enough.

Funny thing is, my breaks haven't been voluntary. :D I more or less was made to log off kicking and screaming because I had more urgent work and personal stuff to do.

Sarah wrote: "You'll be missed!"

Hey, Sarah-chan! I haven't talked with you in a loooong while, how have you been?

I'd miss you too. You're a fun and loving person. <3

P.E. wrote: "Hey Marquise, I am more or less in the same boat as Marta and Tammy, with GR serving as my main outlet on the Internet currently, and I guess I can get behind your motives for seasonal breaks or a ..."

Aw, you're saying goodbye to me when I've not said I'm leaving (yet). <3 Love you, Pepe (forgive me for the absurd nickname? :P).

In all seriousness, I'm not leaving immediately, but for the last years the signs and evidence that it would be best for me to either leave or limit my presence here have been accumulating. This year, I had so much on my plate I had to leave against my will, and that gave me time to think. The last two breaks, I essentially felt like I didn't want to come back and only did because a) friends, b) who else but me will rage-bait readers & authors of retellings? ;)

Mariella wrote: "It might be. I've thought about it myself."

What's been your own divine revelation in a dream that you hafta leave too, Mari? :)

Scott wrote: "😢 for us. 🙂 for you. I stopped writing long reviews—just a few lines—and just post my reads and tbrs now. Much saner..."

Are you saying I should review with just a "This book sucks. Justice for Jakob and Wilhelm Grimm"? Can do! :D

I do envy the people who can say so much in so few words and review with one line or three. I lack that succinct, pithy, to the point and witty capacity that some people here have. I'm talkative, say too much, spoilers galore, nitpick and dissect with laser-focus, and drop entire pages long essays. :D

And I don't even 'prepare' those, I just write as I go. Ah, well.

C wrote: "Aww, it is sad but I get it. I am used to taking breaks from GR by now😅 honestly disappearing is not the worst if it means coming back on your own terms!"

True, a few of my friends take breaks regularly too. I (almost) never have of my own volition, I think I only went on hiatus willingly twice in all my 15 years here, and one of them was after the worst bullying I got here when soem influencer did a video about one of my reviews. The second time I don't remember why, probably exhaustion. The rest have been necessary for one reason or other.

Nataliya wrote: "I’m assuming you’ve thought about why taking a break from GR makes you feel better, but I’m curious. Is it not dealing with trolls/unwelcome comments that makes you feel better when you’re away from that? Or writing a review that takes time? Or just the time it takes away from the offline life?"

Writing reviews isn't and has never been a problem for me. I know it may not look like it because my reviews tend to be long and detailed, but I don't sit down to prepare them. I just write them, let the thoughts flow. I'm a natural writer, I guess, I don't feel it as a chore or as time-consuming by themselves.

It's a mixture of three things, I think. One is the trolls/unwelcome comments (I can always disable comments, but even amongst 'friends' there'll always be someone...) and a sense of futility (what, exactly, is the utility of what I do here? what legacy will there be when it's all gone and over?), and the third factor is something I can't say in public (but I can tell you in private if you wish/ask).

Thibault wrote: "To me, it just feels like finding the right balance for you that's important here."

Indeed, that's what I thought too. I haven't found a balance yet, mainly because as I was saying upthread my hiatuses have been forced on me save for maybe two occasions. It's different when you go on hiatus of your own volition and work out a balance, isn't it?

I really hope you don't check out, but you have to do what works best for you. I would miss your reviews and comments a lot! GR is pretty much my only online interaction. I hate and avoid Facebook and its ilk (odi profanum volgus et arceo). And while I occasionally write an actual review (usually only for books that stray into my academic specialties), I don't find writing some random thoughts and observations onerous. I am too low profile to have to deal much with trolls; that I don't envy you. But don't let the bastards wear you down!

Fred wrote: "But don't let the bastards wear you down!"

I don't, but even Achilles gets weary, Fred-sensei. <3

Marquise wrote: "Scott wrote: "😢 for us. 🙂 for you. I stopped writing long reviews—just a few lines—and just post my reads and tbrs now. Much saner..."

Are you saying I should review with just a "This book sucks. ..."

And you wonderfully fantastic at reviews… but it suffers you grief—well, the naysayers and their ilk—then you just do what’s best for you. I will miss your long and rambling breakdowns, but alas… And miss you, of course! 🙂😂🙂

Thank you, Scotty! You've always been so kind to me. <3

(Have I shared my plans with you? I think I may have, but not sure if I have your email as I sent out my Manifest to a few friends...)

Marquise wrote: "Thank you, Scotty! You've always been so kind to me. <3

(Have I shared my plans with you? I think I may have, but not sure if I have your email as I sent out my Manifest to a few friends...)"

No. No, you have not! 😮

DM me?

Is the the lack of comments that does it? Because if so, I would encourage you to keep posting but turn the comments for your reviews off (I think that's an option?).

Outside of that, I don't have any social media exposure because I, too, and much happier without it. So I support either way!

Megan » wrote: "Is the the lack of comments that does it? Because if so, I would encourage you to keep posting but turn the comments for your reviews off (I think that's an option?)."


Oh, no, not at all! I'm on the Top Global Reviewers list, so I do get my fair share of comments, good and bad. :) I don't care about that, even when I had my account set to private and only got half a dozen of 'likes' at best, I still got the comments.

I've turned my comments off already. But the problem is that it also 'punishes' the sincere commenters alongside the trolls. And let me tell you that when people want to be nasty, they FIND WAYS. i've got nasty comments via the message inbox for friendship requests, can you believe that?

Anyway, it's the main reason, but not the only one.

Also, people do take screenshots of reviews and post them elsewhere attacking the reviewer. I've experienced that as well.

As I said, people find ways to be nasty to matter your precautions.

I would be sorry to see you leave, because 1, I can't stay in touch outside of Goodreads, and 2, I am always sorry to see interesting people go. But ditto the social media aspect.

Yeah, I've seen interesting and intelligent people leave as well, and in some cases still mourn their absence. :'(

Like, the user who wrote my most favourite review ever on this site deleted their account...

I won't do that, no. I value my lil' circle of friends here. <3 If I leave, it won't be sudden and without means for them to reach out outside of this site.

Marquise wrote: "Yeah, I've seen interesting and intelligent people leave as well, and in some cases still mourn their absence. :'(

Like, the user who wrote my most favourite review ever on this site deleted thei..."

That's encouraging to hear!

DON'T.YOU.DARE.

Many of the people I used to interact with frequently have either left or become less active, which sucks. On top of that, the ongoing technical problems have made GR difficult to enjoy recently. (By the way, I'm not getting any notifications for comments. This used to be an issue only with my older reviews, but now it's affecting the new ones too). You and a few of my other close friends on GR are the only reasons I still find some enjoyment here.

I'm not saying goodbye yet, it's not something I hope for! Only voicing my appreciation, that's all! :) Who else will ragebait readers and authors of retellings indeed! :D

I always enjoy your reviews, Marquise 💚 - though, as others have said, you need to do what's best for you.

As many others have said, you should put yourself first and consider what's the best course of action for you. Will we miss you? Of course, but your well being is more important. If it gets too much and you need a break, small or big one, then that's the way to go.

I have been on here since 2016, but didn’t start really interacting with people until the start of 2025, I think?😂🤦🏼‍♀️

That is too bad that the original people you came on here for no longer use it. I hope you have been able to maintain contact with them.
I used to talk about books with people at work. And that was pretty much it. So this is a treat for me now that I use it for more than just keeping track of books.

A big turn off for me is when creepy men send me private messages asking for my phone number etc etc and use this as a dating site or something? Like um what? I finally figured out there is a block feature!

I am sorry people are cruel on here. That makes me sad. Creepy people take the fun out of it for me, but cruel people would do the same. I don’t get that? This is supposed to be a fun place to talk about books. Not be creepy and cruel. Darn people that ruin it.

Awwww you'll definitely be missed if you leave! 💙💙

I feel the same, Marquise--happier offline--and I've urged many people over the years to delete their accounts on Facebook specifically because when I used the site I found it to be one of the most toxic social media. I was markedly happier but also RELIEVED after deleting my account. I'm sorry people have been so mean to you on GR. Of all the social media I've participated in, it's been the least toxic, but of course, that doesn't mean it's great; it's only LESS toxic. Also, we aren't equipped to manage so many people. We've evolved to handle a circle of about 150 people. Not too long ago this is what we had. Suddenly, we're bombarded.

I'm not sure how others feel about this, but more and more, I think social media has more negatives than positives because it's too easy to forget real human beings are behind the accounts. Face-to-face interaction automatically keeps us in check. It reminds me of driving a car, in a way: You see the car first. Road rage would probably decrease a lot if you saw the human being driving it first.

Marta wrote: "A big turn off for me is when creepy men send me private messages asking for my phone number etc etc and use this as a dating site or something? Like um what? I finally figured out there is a block..."

Hey, Marta--I don't know which kind of men are doing that, but it's possible those are romance scammers. I've noticed a huge uptick in recent years. I and other women here got PMs from men in the past (my PMing is restricted to friends-only now), but judging by the kind of account activity they have, those were authentic scumbags. (On the attractive profile photos of some people here, you can still see the years-old comments from GR's non-scammer, resident pervs. I would have deleted and blocked, but whatever.) More likely than not now, they're fake accounts, with pictures pulled off Google. (Use reverse-image search if suspicious.) I'd say report, but GR no longer cares. They did at first. :[

Maybe I'm too mercenary on this site. I don't consider it social media really because I only use it to track my books and find new ones LOL. The only time I comment really is on your posts. Otherwise it's just likes if a review is good for a book I'm checking out.

Would be sad to see you go :( But.. I get it. For me, I too need the site for keeping track of my books, finding new recommendations, reading reviews. Better place than Facebook by far!

Marquise wrote: "Also, people do take screenshots of reviews and post them elsewhere attacking the reviewer. I've experienced that as well.

As I said, people find ways to be nasty to matter your precautions."

Lots of shittiness out there in the world; fighting it feels Sisyphean because no one can do it All the time.

No matter what you do, remember: everytime you feel happy for no reason, it's because you and your friendship just crossed one of your friends' minds and buoyed us up.

It’s a site about apps!! I don’t get it. Oh well. Blocking and ignoring seems to work well now that I know what to look out for. Thank tit fit the tips though😊

Meant site about ****books**** not apps🤦🏼‍♀️