Chelsea Krulikoski’s Reviews > You Should've Kept Driving > Status Update

“If only I had on a pair of boots. I’d “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” all over this mother fucker’s corpse until the wee hours of the evening.”
… what.

“I leap away from him, using his face to push myself to a stand and gallop around the small room, riding his dick like a stick horse. “Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. Giddy up, you mother fucking stallion.”
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER

“On the other side of the room, Ari paints a massive head of a dog and writes, ‘Benny’s Bitch, Jenny’ over it.
I chuckle to myself and finish my artwork. A silhouette of a naked woman with wings. Her hand rests on top of my red-painted head. The toothbrush falls out of my grasp. I use the small amount of wet blood on my fingers to handwrite the words I wish I could hear from my sister. ‘I forgive you.”
Shit

“He's staring at my ass. My stomach churns at the thought of his wrinkling cock touching me. At his age, he probably ejaculates dust instead of liquid.
Benjamin Button, mother fucker.”
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“I set the phone down across the room against the wall. “Can you see us?”
“Yes, my love.”
I back away from the phone slowly. “Are the girls still with you?”
“They are. They didn’t want to leave without you, especially Ari.”
I chuckle and stand beside the cabinet. “Are you ready to watch the show?”
OH MY GOD

Okay even I’m disturbed at this

“Griffin is by the door when I return. The rope around Benny came undone. I push him back away from the door so I can close it. I slap him, then Benny, in the forehead with the twelve-inch purple silicone dick. “Who needs it first?” My voice muffles behind the mask.”
SHE JS SLAPPED HIM W A DILDO 😭😭😭😭

“I grasp the wooden skewer. The wooden point of it squishes into the severed end of Griffin’s penis, and I stop it about an inch from the tip. I open the freezer door and place it gingerly inside. What better way to use and reuse such a magnificent appendage? A cocksicle; woohoo, I can’t wait to ride that frozen pop later.”
What. First the kebab, now the skewer?

WAIT IS FEMI HER BOYFRIEND FROM THE OUTSIDE?????

“Audrey shuffles into the room with her head down and stands in front of me. She fiddles with her shirt, and stares at its material, before finally making eye contact. “Are we really leaving?”
I reach out to her and take her trembling hands in mine, steadying them with a gentle squeeze. “You are going home today. No one will ever hurt you again.”
Awwwww