average human’s Reviews > Bonds of Hercules > Status Update

I’d lost my gun in the leap—the dagger was still clenched in my fist.
The Titans screeched and hobbled toward me.
My old friends.
I opened my arms wide (I’d lost my mind).
Come to dance?
My protector bond flared inside my chest, exploding with power.
Fluffy Jr. leapt forward. Midair his body expanded, legs and neck lengthening, lumps on his spine protruding—this time when he collided with a Titan, he threw the monster backward with his size.
Did Fluffy Jr. just …
I blinked in shock.
The second Titan swiped its talons at my face. Whoosh. I leaned my head back on instinct.
The tango, a classic.
I took the opening, stabbing my dagger deep into the Titan’s ruined chest with both my hands. Nyx lunged.
Grinning, I leaned into the sick embrace, bleeding all over the monster.
Die, bitch.
A fresh wave of throbbing agony filled my sternum.
The Titan collapsed onto the grass beneath me, foam once again on its lips. It convulsed violently, arms flailing—I yanked back as a talon swiped in slow motion, but I was too late.
Agony exploded, warmth gushing down my neck.
A mangled ear fell to the grass, one that should have been attached to me.
The Titan convulsed again, its taloned hand slicing through my fallen ear, cutting it to ruin.
I guess I didn’t really need it anyway.
The Titan stilled.
A few feet away, a now oversized Fluffy Jr. growled savagely as he rolled, still fighting the other monster.
Zap-zap-zap. Electric shock waves pulsed through my marriage bond with increased intensity, like it was keeping my heart beating.
I gasped weakly, half lying on top of the still Titan.
Snap. Crunch. Bones shifted beneath me as it came back to life.
I stared blankly down at it. Fine, you win.
The Titan bucked.
I tumbled off, sprawling brokenly in the gore-covered grass. A conspiracy of ravens flew past. How fitting.
Government drones were the last thing I’d ever see. I smiled weakly as emotions bubbled in my chest.
Nyx slithered over and flicked her tongue against my cheek. I tried to raise my hand and feel her scales, one last time, but I couldn’t find the strength to move. I turned my head, resting my cheek against her face.
“I … love … you,” I whispered between gasps. I love you, Fluffy Jr., Charlie, Helen, Drex, and maybe—
A whistling sound cut off my potentially disturbing revelation.
Pops, grunts, shouts, and slaps echoed.
It took a second to decipher the blur of bronze skin.
Augustus stood over the Titan.
His black and white hair was undone, blowing behind him—he strangled the Titan with one hand wrapped around a metal chain, and fired a gun with his other, pumping its chest full of bullets.
Has ambidexterity always been so hot?
Splattered with black, teeth bared, crimson dripping from his eyes, Augustus looked positively feral.
Maybe it was the blood loss.
Maybe it was the pain.
Maybe it was the fact that Augustus was disturbingly capable of eliminating evil.
But suddenly, I couldn’t understand how I’d ever thought I was asexual.
The chain was attached to Augustus’s hip, the end tied around a third wingless Titan—it was trussed up with a tag stabbed through its bottom lip, and he was using the middle part of that metal chain to choke the Titan that had been attacking me.
Whatever this is, I’m into it.
Augustus holstered the gun, buried two knives into the Titan’s eyes, then resumed firing from point-blank range.
A hand grabbed my face, turning me away from the carnage.
Kharon tipped my chin to the side and froze, staring at what felt like a hole in the side of my skull.
Oh yeah, my ear’s on the ground somewhere, chopped into tiny pieces.
His eyes hardened into chips of unyielding ice. Kharon reached for his holster and raised up a wickedly sharp dagger.
Wait …
He sliced the blade clean through his left ear.
Someone screamed silently in horror.
It was me.
With a determined expression, Kharon pulled a small box out of his cargo pants.
A needle and thread glinted.
Augustus came back into view as he stalked across the lawn.
His gun was raised high as he fired at the last Titans. Poco perched on his shoulder with narrowed eyes—his fluffy raccoon arm was raised, pointing at the Titans, his thumb flexing rapidly.
Wait, is that a finger gun?
Kharon leaned down and blocked my view as he brought the needle and thread up to the left side of my face.
I tried to speak, but I couldn’t; I tried to tell him with my eyes not to do it.
Kharon bent closer, his jaw clenching with resolve as he sewed his appendage onto the side of my head.
“Per angusta ad augusta, carissimus,” he whispered.
Through trials to triumph, my dear.
Augustus appeared and Kharon leaned back to give him space. They patted my pockets until they pulled out two tags engraved with Hercules.
A single droplet fell from the sky, splattering across the golden name.
Augustus leaned down.
He pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. I couldn’t feel a thing, yet my skin tingled where his lips brushed. He smelled like gunpowder, lightning, and sin.
Poco patted my cheek.
As they pulled away, the heavens opened up and rain drenched the world.
Kharon resumed sewing.
I was alive when I should be dead.
The Roman Colosseum loomed above, an ancient reminder—this was Sparta, and for better or worse, we were the gods of this new dark age.