Manlin’s Reviews > Água Viva > Status Update

“whoever isn’t lost doesn’t know freedom and love it. as for me, i own up to my solitude that sometimes falls into ecstasy as before fireworks”

“because i want to feel in my probing hands the living and quivering nerve of the today”


real af

“I think i’m going to have to ask permission to die. but i can’t, it’s too late. i heard ‘The Firebird’—and drowned entirely.”

also me after listening to Stravinsky



“And I plan nothing in my intuitive work of living: I work with the indirect, the informal and the unforeseen.

‘in my core i have the strange impression that i don’t belong to the human species.’

‘and I have much respect for what I happen to myself. my essence is unconscious of itself and what’s why i obey myself blindly’

it is so wild reading something that’s like a mirror or an echo of so many things you’ve said or wondered about for much of your life, symbols (like goblins, air, gems) you’re drawn to

‘I don’t want to have the terrible limitation of those who live merely from what can make sense.’

‘my wild intuition about myself. but my main thing is always hidden. i am implicit. and when I make myself explicit I lose the humid intimacy’

‘i want the inconclusive. I want the profound organic disorder… The great potency of potentiality… I want the experience of a lack of construction.’

‘I, who want the most primary thing because it’s the source of generation—I who long to drink water at the source of my spring—I who am all of this, must by fate and tragic destiny only know and taste the echoes of me, because I cannot capture the me itself.’

!!!! I also talk to my therapist about this dilemma sometimes! she probably wishes I had real problems. i think i also said this to an ex once 🤣

‘I want the vibration of happiness. I want the impartiality of Mozart. But I also want inconsistency. Freedom? it’s my final refuge, I forced myself to freedom and I bear it not like a talent but with heroism: I’m heroically free. And I want the flow’

—OMG i’ve said basically the same words to my therapist like I probs said Debussy instead but all i want is an inconsistent & free life! flow! SHE GETS IT