Beka’s Reviews > Full of Myself: Black Womanhood and the Journey to Self-Possession > Status Update

"My body has walked me through grief time + time again. She has felt unsafe + she has been unsafe. Every day, I ask her to walk thru a patriarchal, white supremacist, capitalist world + defy ir. I ask her to remain human, + in doing so, I have discovered she's not a heartless machine, with parts easily replaced.
I am human. And I require assistance to stay alive."

"I would like to acknowledge that embodiment isn't always pretty. It's not always adornment + style + lotions + potions that make us feel special. Sometimes embodiment is gross + painful + itchy + dripping. I believe with my whole heart that our care for ourselves when our bodies are messy matters deeply."

"I loved being pregnancy with my son. We conceived on purpose. And it is still the hardest thing I have ever asked my body + my emotions to endure, because after all the mythmaking about my body, it turned out I have rarely been in control of it."

"The first time I am snapped out of being able to mostly pretend I am just a walking brain is pregnancy.

With pregnancy comes a profound degree of embodiment. I cannot escape my body. I have to sink into it."

Whewwwww. Real relatable stuff right there.

"For years after this, my body is a nuisance to me. I do not enjoy taking care of it, or showering, shaving, putting in lotion, washing my hair or wearing perfume. My only indulgence is painting my nails elaborately.
Looking back, I see that I placed all the care I wished I could've given my whole body on that tiny real estate of my being."

"They know I'm my own brand of quirky, + I've made peave with that.
But standing out physically is too much for me. All my bravery is already spread thin.
Every now + then, I just want to blend in, but apparently blending is not my strong suit."

"We don't just march together, fight together, write together, meet together. We also look out for one another + our physical needs.

We remember that none of this is riding on one of us, + therefore we each can set it down + then come back.

Prioritizing one another's survival in a system that doesn't honor our humanity is also how we practice solidarity."

"Slowly, purposefully, Chi Chi reminds me of my value -- not more important than anyone else, but not less important either.

She pulls out of me the knowledge I have accrued, the experiences I have endured, + considers them meaningful. She stands with me against the idea that I am inconsequential. She shows me that I can fight back + reclaim what I know to be true about myself. That I matter."

"I cannot do it anymore. I can't walk into one more organization where I pretend that I'm not an absolute gift to them.

I can't walk into one more workplace that expects to gain from my presence but doesn't want to deal with my realities."