average human’s Reviews > Dirty, Flirty, and Vindictive > Status Update
average human
is 48% done
I adore them and I’m utterly consumed by their passion.
SUNDAY OCTOBER 5, 2003
Neville was in the lesser dining room, eating breakfast with Pansy in front of the fire and going through yesterday’s evening post. He’d been much too preoccupied the night before to read it.
— Jan 03, 2026 09:55AM
SUNDAY OCTOBER 5, 2003
Neville was in the lesser dining room, eating breakfast with Pansy in front of the fire and going through yesterday’s evening post. He’d been much too preoccupied the night before to read it.
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average human’s Previous Updates
average human
is 99% done
3.5 stars. I love the characters dearly but this was LONG. And I came for a Parkbottom story not a Neville story with a side of Pansy. It was all a bit much. Like reading a history textbook with to much details and descriptions and u just want to be. This was hard to finished. I can’t wait for Theo and Charlie. Rounded down.
— Jan 11, 2026 01:47AM
average human
is 93% done
Neville was waiting on the bench at the end of the bed. It was a new bench and a new bed in their new bedroom. There was green marble in her dressing room and she’d accented his office in Gryffindor red and gold, but the bedroom was all white and silver with high ceilings and large windows. It felt airy and open, so different from the dark, twisty house he’d grown up in.
— Jan 11, 2026 12:41AM
average human
is 79% done
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 14, 2003
Neville was sitting in front of a bonfire in the courtyard of the Malfoy chateau, Pansy cuddled against him on the extended patio chair, Malfoy and Hermione and Nott and Charlie ranged on either side of them.
— Jan 09, 2026 08:28AM
Neville was sitting in front of a bonfire in the courtyard of the Malfoy chateau, Pansy cuddled against him on the extended patio chair, Malfoy and Hermione and Nott and Charlie ranged on either side of them.
average human
is 69% done
Neville was in the lesser dining room, a fire going, eating dinner with Pansy and—for his sins—Theodore Nott. Neville’s legs were sore. He’d already slathered his arms and torso in bruise removal paste. He could still smell the arnica.
— Jan 07, 2026 08:29PM
average human
is 68% done
SUNDAY NOVEMBER 2, 2003
Neville took Pansy’s nipple into his mouth. She’d been reading in bed but now he was slouched against the pillows and she was straddling him on her knees. He’d eyed her throughout dinner after coming home to find her in her parents’ wing, but she seemed determined not to wallow.
— Jan 06, 2026 04:08PM
Neville took Pansy’s nipple into his mouth. She’d been reading in bed but now he was slouched against the pillows and she was straddling him on her knees. He’d eyed her throughout dinner after coming home to find her in her parents’ wing, but she seemed determined not to wallow.
average human
is 60% done
Shimmering movement—Neville straightened as Pansy came into the room. She was in a dress made of shiny black discs. Like big sequins, Neville thought. It wasn’t as form-fitting as some of her other frocks. But it showed a lot of skin on top, and it was very, very short.
— Jan 04, 2026 09:21AM
average human
is 50% done
Neville ducked his head. “Will you sit beside me on the sofa?” he asked.
She didn’t say anything.
He said, “Please.”
He watched her from beneath his brows. She nodded, not looking at him.
— Jan 03, 2026 02:06PM
She didn’t say anything.
He said, “Please.”
He watched her from beneath his brows. She nodded, not looking at him.
average human
is 43% done
Love my bits and pieces of Theo x Charlie. Also Longbottom and Pansy are so adorable. They’re so devoted to each other and don’t even realize it.
Bill’s hair was tucked behind his ears. His earrings were in the shape of Thurisaz—conflict, opposition, protection. A meaningful rune for a cursebreaker.
— Jan 03, 2026 08:33AM
Bill’s hair was tucked behind his ears. His earrings were in the shape of Thurisaz—conflict, opposition, protection. A meaningful rune for a cursebreaker.
average human
is 33% done
That’s cool 👀
Note: Dionisio cast faster than anything Neville had ever heard, rolling the Rs on the spells: Dionisio is Mexican-American and casts with a Mexican accent. Measured syllables per second, Spanish is the second-fastest language (after Japanese), though the numbers differ depending on the study.
— Jan 02, 2026 11:31PM
Note: Dionisio cast faster than anything Neville had ever heard, rolling the Rs on the spells: Dionisio is Mexican-American and casts with a Mexican accent. Measured syllables per second, Spanish is the second-fastest language (after Japanese), though the numbers differ depending on the study.
average human
is 29% done
My favorite depressed insane twink 😋
THURSDAY JULY 31, 2003
“I was told to be on my best behavior with you,” said Nott.
— Jan 02, 2026 10:26PM
THURSDAY JULY 31, 2003
“I was told to be on my best behavior with you,” said Nott.
She’d been sitting quite primly, her hands folded in her lap. Neville had raised an eyebrow and got on with it.
She’d let him soap up and splash around, her eyes roving over his shoulders and chest and arms. And then, when the water was low—the old water draining, the new water still coming in—she’d said, “Touch your cock for me.”
Neville’s head had turned on a swivel. His lips had been parted. There was something about hearing her say that—
He’d said, “I thought you were just here to watch—”
“You touch your cock,” she’d said, nodding at him. Go on, then.
Neville had inhaled and looked away, tonguing his molar, laughing because— Did he like this?
He’d looked back to her. “Why do you want—”
“It’s all my favorite things,” she’d said, widening her eyes. “I like your hands and your wrists and that vein in your forearm—and your cock. If you wank for me, I can see it all at once.” She’d smiled at him.
And he’d laughed and done it. She’d said this before, that she liked seeing him, but he wasn’t used to it. He’d stroked himself—he hadn’t started hard but he’d got there quick with a lubrication charm—and she’d said, “Yes, like that. That’s it.”
He’d looked over at her, eyebrows raised. “Are you talking me through it, then? I’ve done this before.”
“I’m sure you have,” she’d said, pouty, “and you’re doing a good job—”
He’d snorted and kept at it. He hadn’t been going very fast—he’d wanted to fuck her, not come on his own.
She’d wetted her lips. “Keep going—”
She’d pulled in a breath. “You’re so hard—”
She’d been biting her lower lip. “You look so good, Nev—”
She’d sighed. “I just love your cock—”
“All right, that does it.” He’d scooped water over himself and stood—the most cursory rinse. “Let’s go—I’m fucking you now.”
“I don’t mean to rush you!”
He’d been doing the drying spell.
“I don’t want to disrupt your routine!”
She was so full of it. He’d been stepping out of the tub, flinging water, and she’d been giggling, and then he’d chased her to the bed.
He’d held her down and kissed her all over, eaten her cunt, fucked her. Lain in bed and kissed her and told her thank you for showing him the hedge maze.
When he’d got into his wardrobe after, he’d found the picture of his parents, framed and on the shelf. He’d had it shoved into one of the books Fennel had brought over from the cottage. He’d stood and stared at it, feeling—for just a moment—like nothing in his life was real.
Now Neville shook off the memory and got back to the post. He had a note from Alicia, saying the elves were talking—there were loads of boys living at Avery Manor.
Neville remembered Estrada saying the purist families were sending their sons to play foot soldier.
He remembered Pansy saying, They ruined them—all the boys I cared about. And for nothing. A stupid, made-up idea.
He remembered Katie saying, They’re talking about someone named Saiph.
He remembered Bloodsworth saying, There is someone looking to buy but Avery means to get there first.
He remembered Luna telling him the men most drawn to authoritarians were the ones most insecure about their own masculinity—at the time, he’d pictured Malfoy and Flint and Crabbe and Goyle.
Neville didn’t think Saiph and Avery were working together. But he thought they were part of the same lie. A lie about blood supremacy being the natural order of things. A lie about that order giving these boys the right to take what they wanted from anyone they could dominate. A lie about a war that would reward its soldiers with the power and respect they were due—or at least with muggle women to knock around.
Neville had been delaying this conversation, but now he turned to Pansy. “Tell Malfoy I’m ready to meet with him,” he said. “Tomorrow.”