Status Update

Ari Garzon is 30% done

Miss Carrie I thought we were friends. Why did you just do that to me.

— Jan 13, 2026 07:17PM

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Ari’s Previous Updates

Ari Garzon is 76% done

I’ll just fall over and die.

— Jan 14, 2026 02:34PM

Ari Garzon is 71% done

No amount of fetal position wallowing is going to cure me of my agony

— Jan 14, 2026 01:38PM

Ari Garzon is 65% done

— Jan 14, 2026 07:39AM

Ari Garzon is 56% done

How has so much happened and I’m only halfway

— Jan 14, 2026 06:07AM

Ari Garzon is 41% done

I feel like I need an EpiPen or something

— Jan 13, 2026 10:07PM

Ari Garzon is 19% done

Should I buy my casket in mahogany or maple?

— Jan 13, 2026 10:35AM

Ari Garzon is 17% done

— Jan 12, 2026 10:03PM

Ari Garzon is 10% done

Now this could go one of fifty ways.

— Jan 12, 2026 08:09PM

Ari Garzon is 2% done

So locked in it isn’t even funny

— Jan 11, 2026 11:12PM

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