Mallory’s Reviews > The Wonderful Wizard of Oz > Status Update

Not the wizard stuffing the Scarecrow and Tin Woodman like Build-a-Bears.

But also they’re so stupid. He admitted to being a charlatan, but all three of them are still like “but you can still do magic, right?” Dude, NO.

“I have always liked you as you were.” DID YOU, THOUGH, DOROTHY? Liked how you could take him for granted, more like. Afraid he’ll stop catering to you. The Scarecrow deserves better.

“They grew vexed that Oz should treat them in so poor a fashion, after sending them to undergo hardships and slavery.” Baum has such a way with words.

Not the Scarecrow immediately turning to blackmail XD

The Tin Woodman pulling out his ax at the drop of a hat.

“You’re a humbug.” The Scarecrow is so iconic.

The Wizard lands in a new place and immediately demands a city “just to amuse himself”?

Could the Winkies not have given them a golden compass or something? I mean really.

Not the Scarecrow and Tin Woodman being cool with how the monkey’s mutilated them.

Wow, a Winged Monkey enslavement backstory was not on my Wizard of Oz bingo card. I can’t believe I forgot all of this.

All the boys being too ugly and stupid for Gayelette XD Is the current Witch of the North descended from her and Quelala?

So much murder!! The wolves, the crows, the bees, and the witch!

The Wicked Witch of the West walked so the Eye of Sauron could run.

Why are the Flying Monkeys like a genie? Why are they tied to the golden cap? I have so many questions.

It’s a known fact that Good is more powerful than Evil? Why then, has no one been able to beat the East and West witches before?

Not Dorothy cleaning up the crime scene XD

I wonder what the significance of the different forms Oz has is. The fire to keep the Lion from attacking makes sense, but why the beast for the Tin Woodman, the lady for the Scarecrow, and the head for Dorothy? And why not kill the witch himself if he’s so powerful? Sending a child to either die or commit murder is WILD.

“[Oz] needs a heart as much as the Tin Woodman.” The Scarecrow is so out of pocket. XD

Sorry, what now? The wizard has a *ahem* “collection of hearts in all shapes and sizes”?? And we’re not going to question this. Did he perhaps run away to Oz in his balloon because he’s a SERIAL KILLER?? Fits right in with the Ozians.

Not the farmer going on at length about how reclusive this guy is just for Dorothy to ask what he’s like. NO ONE’S MET HIM HOW WOULD THEY KNOW? He’s ANTISOCIAL. CLEARLY.

I’m sorry, WHAT?? The Tin Woodman knew it was wrong to kill something small and helpless, so he MURDERS A WILDCAT?? How are we going to make a distinction between the Lion and the Wildcat? Just because the Lion is cowardly makes him good? What about when he was gonna kill that deer? Or THEM? WTF is this logic??? How does murder in retribution for attempted murder make any sense? The Tin Woodman is actually insane.

Not them about to abandon the Scarecrow. Everyone treats him so poorly. Not once did they say they had to save him, only that they had to reach the road again.

NOT THEM ABANDONING THE LION NOW. They’re so ready to give up on members of their group.

“Perhaps he will dream that he has found courage at last.” I know the Tin Woodman meant it earnestly, but something about this sounded so cutting. Condescending.

Not Dorothy laughing at the Scarecrow as he tries to do something nice for her. She’s just sitting there not helping as he collects nuts FOR HER, and she LAUGHS at him. Feels ableist.

“Why are you jumping like that?” “Shut up it’s a FELINE thing.” XD

Not the casual murder of the Kalidahs. What happened to Tin Woodman feeling sad about death of any kind? Could they talk like the Lion? Were the PEOPLE?

If the Cowardly Lion is such a coward that relies on roars to keep his reputation, why the hell did he come out the gate attacking everyone?? He would’ve straight up killed the Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman if they’d been flesh and blood, and nearly got Toto were it not for Dorothy. Also his backstory is so boring and barely a story.

“Perhaps you have heart disease.” SO OUT OF POCKET, LYMAN FRANK BAUM. XD