Pradnya’s Reviews > I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power > Status Update

To understand another person’s feelings. In order to do this, we must be in touch with our own feelings and emotions, and we need to be comfortable in the larger world of emotion and feelings. For many, this world is completely foreign—it’s a complex world of new language and thinking. For example,if we can’t recognize the subtle,but important, differences between disappointment and anger in ourselves[... ]for others

Shame is like a prison. But a prison that you deserve to be in because something’s wrong with you.
If the child believes the teacher’s announcement and name-calling is unfair and undeserved, the child will most likely feel humiliated rather than ashamed. If, on the other hand, the child buys into the message that he is stupid and deserves to be called out in front of his peers, that leads to shame
simple yet profound

Guilt is I did something bad I should not have. Shame is I am Bad person.
"So when I did do something like forget a birthday, I wouldn’t feel like “Oh, man, I can’t believe I forgot to do that.” I would say, “God, I am so stupid, I can’t do anything right.”
So, as you can see, we can experience embarrassment, guilt or shame over the same situations. It just depends on where we are in our lives.

we need to understand that shame is the voice of perfectionism. Whether we’re talking about appearance, work, motherhood, health or family, it’s not the quest for perfection that is so painful; it’s failing to meet the unattainable expectations that lead to the painful wash of shame. [...]the power of shame as a social tool that’s often used to keep us quiet. Nothing silences us more effectively than shame.