Rachel (BAVR)’s Reviews > Never Resist Temptation > Status Update

What. the. fork. ???

I DON'T KNOW! I feel like I just woke up from a long sleep in a lion's den or something. Now, Thank God, he knows that she's a she, but that has just transitioned into some uncomfortable employer-employee dry-humping. O__O Help me.

I thought manly male heroes having weird feelings down there when looking upon presumed-to-be-a-boy heroines was one of the standard tropes of chick-in-pants romances. Or maybe it's just the stuff I always seem to read. :D

You're right, but it's so damn creepy. A day after getting a boner for (what he thinks is) a boy, the hero PURSUES the kid to join his house as a pastry chef. And why do they always think the heroine are BOYS? Can't they just perceive them to be small or effeminate MEN, for fuck's sake?

*Deep breaths*

Sorry. The boy thing just really squicks me out. lol

IIRC, this Harley surprised me by not having the hero have a boner for the pretty "boy". I could be wrong. Memory fails and my review doesn't mention it specifically.



I wonder if there are any romances out there where the hero dresses up as a girl and the heroine feels her loins a-tremble at a mere look and they're all confused and angry at themselves. Would make for a great plot in a spoof or parody. :D

Karla (Mossy Love Grotto) wrote: "I wonder if there are any romances out there where the hero dresses up as a girl and the heroine feels her loins a-tremble at a mere look and they're all confused and angry at themselves. Would make for a great plot in a spoof or parody. :D"

This. This needs to happen.

The other reviews seem to agree with your memory, so I'll give this one a try. And it's a medieval! Squee! :D

I think we should write the parody for fun.

Lady Margaret regarded Daniella frankly, examining the other woman's ruddy skin and strong jaw. The strangest feeling came over her, an inexplicable temptation to peel back the layers of Daniella's shapeless dress and explore the sinewy muscle beneath. What on earth did this mean? Margaret gulped down a shaky breath. Never before had another woman seemed so alluring, so ... masculine.

>:D How's that for a start?

*dies laughing*

PURR. FECT.

hahaahahahahahaaaa

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Rachel wrote: ">:D How's that for a start? "

Hahahaha. You, my friend, are going to be the next fake-femmeslash sensation. Congrats!

Bwahaha! Do you think there's a market for my work?

Daniel knew that Lady Margaret would never dare stripping in his presence if she was aware of his true identity. He felt like a cad, the very worst sort of libertine. But still ... As Daniel eyed the milky flesh of her slender shoulder, all the heat in his body went to one place. Bloody hell. He glanced down at his skirts and bit back a moan. If Lady Margaret turned at this moment, she would witness his arousal poking against the soft muslin of his garment. How in God's name would he explain that?

OMG, this is almost too easy!

You = an untapped career in romance publishing. Bwahahaha. MORE! Give us more!

You leave me in awe, Lady Rachel. :D

Do you SEE the number of cliches I plopped in those passages?

Margaret heard the party roaring in the ballroom, the noblemen laughing, the ladies whispering secrets, the band striking up a lively country dance. She used to enjoy being part of that madness. Oh, how she danced and flirted with the young gentlemen. Just a few short months ago, Lady Margaret Clamley had been a darling of the ton, a sparkling diamond amongst boring English roses. But now, standing with Daniella in the secluded garden between a hedge and a thick hydrangea bush, Margaret realized that she did not crave that life. She had back then, but now her heart was otherwise occupied.

She observed Daniella's hand as it fluttered over the flowers. Her hands were so rough and knobby. Daniella DeWinter had the hands of a scullery maid, or more precisely, a farmer. Oh, sweet heavens, Margaret wondered how those ugly, masculine hands would feel against the smooth skin of her cheek. If only she could indulge, just once.

No! Margaret took a stumbling step back from the odd object of her fantasies. This was madness! She was a well-bred lady, even if her family's reputation had seen better days. Margaret needed to find a husband. She needed to start a family and secure the Clamley clan's position in society.

"I should return to the ballroom," Margaret said abruptly, gathering her skirts in her fists.

"Wait." Daniella lifted her fingers from the flowers and came to stand close to Margaret. The woman stood so tall! Did any other woman stand taller than most men? "I must tell you something."

As always, Margaret became enraptured by Daniella's deep, husky voice. "Yes?" Her voice barely came out a whisper.

"I have lied to you, my lady." Daniella closed her eyes, evidently tortured by what she must say. "I ... I am ..." She opened her eyes again, and suddenly Margaret was swimming in their ocean blue depths. "Margaret," Daniella breathed, moving so close that Margaret could smell the brandy on her breath.

In that moment, propriety mattered no longer. Later, Margaret could not recall who moved first, but those details were unimportant. All she cared about was the feel of Daniella's arms clutching her body to her hard chest. As Daniella's lips descended on hers, Margaret forgot to breathe.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! This is SO DAMN EASY. Tomorrow, I'll post what happens when Margaret finds out that "Daniella" is actually "Daniel." :D Every word I write destroys my soul a little bit more, but it's so much fun!

*applauds wildly*

The best part? It sounds EXACTLY LIKE THE PUBLISHED ONES. No exaggeration. >:D

Yes, this could have been bought anywhere for $7.99 in paperback. That is FUCKING SCARY. O__o

I really think you could get this little bad fic published with NO PROBLEM.

<3 you. Really, I do.

I'm glad you're enjoying it, ladies! :D

I didn't have time to continue the story today, but I'll add more tomorrow. Brace yourselves because the WTFery hasn't even begun yet ... Bwahahaha!

Okay, have you guys read this 500+ page beast???



It was just recommended in one of my groups, and hello! Lady Antonia Lamb is masquerading as her twin brother, Anthony! :D

I absolutely must know what Anthony is up to while Lady Antonia Lamb is prancing around in his clothes. Maybe Lady Margaret should look a bit closely at the "ladies" around her. :D

I've gotta read Henley sometime. Don't recall a bit of her from high school, but a glance at the ones I have show a delicious old-school daftness.

You've just reminded me that I have a Virginia Henley novel I really want to read. Maybe I'll try it next? *currently in What To Read Now? limbo*

I know what I should read April 1st, but after that it's a TBR short stack clusterfuck of epic proportions.