Bonnie G.’s Reviews > ART: Why I Stuck with a Junkie Jazzman > Status Update

I'm finally aware of what I really must do and can't bear to do ... Every day he surprises me or dazzles me or makes me laugh and I feel such tenderness for him and leaving him will be like dying, but staying has become impossible -- he's cruel and demanding and selfish and inconsiderate and false and realy truly nuts, and he's killing me. And I love him. > ~Laurie's diary 4/5/80 -- she left for one day

I was recently talking to a student who, for many years, was the girlfriend of a member of a well-known Latin American boy band. In my youth, I dated 2 succesful musicians so we compared notes. When she broke things off, people thought she was nuts. I said, "They don't know, you need to make yourself as tiny as possible, to ignore all your needs." She emphatically agreed. Apparently, Laurie was okay with that.

After visiting Art in jail: "I fled from that place to Olvera Street, nearby, to La Luz Del Dia, my favorite cheap Mexican restaurant, where I enjoyed my food outrageously like people fuck when someone has died."

Laurie is a Class A enabler who desperately needs adoration and control, but she is also a delightful raconteur and an honest and talented writer. This is plain fun.

"In L.A., we put a gloss on everything, and we insist that gloss is reality. Everything has to be pretty or at least amusing. In New York, it's generally acknowledged that everything is nasty, and when they put a gloss on it, they understand it's just a gloss over nastiness. In New York you can be crippled, stupid, diseased, and not at all amusing and still be a member of the human race."

This is weird and fascinating. It has a sort of punk rock sensibility. There is nothing elegant about it; this has not been workshopped, but its heart and energy are undeniable and compelling. Laurie Pepper (who was a first cousin of Eve Babitz!) is fascinating to me, more fascinating by far than her husband. And all the inside Synanon stuff is amazing. I love a cult!