All My Friends Are Fictional’s Reviews > Death Magazine > Status Update
All My Friends Are Fictional
is on page 54 of 64
Oculus
“Knowing your pain is illusion — a PVC raincoat.
Knowing this reality is frosted
windshield glass.
The dead go on ahead of us —
we'll catch them up
the violet path.
Our pieces will be swept to a god's creamy chest —
a god who almond-flaked
itself
— who snowed itself
profusely.
Crisp packet-picking crow
soft gas of rain —
these are why
you live
[…]
Knowing that the ego needs obliterating.”
— Feb 08, 2026 08:01AM
“Knowing your pain is illusion — a PVC raincoat.
Knowing this reality is frosted
windshield glass.
The dead go on ahead of us —
we'll catch them up
the violet path.
Our pieces will be swept to a god's creamy chest —
a god who almond-flaked
itself
— who snowed itself
profusely.
Crisp packet-picking crow
soft gas of rain —
these are why
you live
[…]
Knowing that the ego needs obliterating.”
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All My Friends’s Previous Updates
All My Friends Are Fictional
is on page 42 of 64
A Luxurious Death
“[…]
To be honest, our whole lives are unnecessary. The fabric of life
is thick silver, fruitless. The person you love has a 100 percent
chance of embarking on a kitchen renovation project. We think
of death as the heart of the home.
Be vulnerable, be young. Death happens to everyone; it makes
you laugh so hard you snort as your eyes well up with beeswax.
[…]”
— Feb 08, 2026 07:56AM
“[…]
To be honest, our whole lives are unnecessary. The fabric of life
is thick silver, fruitless. The person you love has a 100 percent
chance of embarking on a kitchen renovation project. We think
of death as the heart of the home.
Be vulnerable, be young. Death happens to everyone; it makes
you laugh so hard you snort as your eyes well up with beeswax.
[…]”
All My Friends Are Fictional
is on page 31 of 64
How are you finding the
new arrival?
Even in the absence of
light, life has found this
little human being. People
tell you that you'll fall in
love instantly, but you
never understand just how
much you're going to love a
15 minute workout.
[…]
What does fatherhood
mean to you?
[…]
Lie on the sofa
and understand: life has
burst into tears. The world is
in me; you feel so much
you fall in light.
— Feb 04, 2026 01:44PM
new arrival?
Even in the absence of
light, life has found this
little human being. People
tell you that you'll fall in
love instantly, but you
never understand just how
much you're going to love a
15 minute workout.
[…]
What does fatherhood
mean to you?
[…]
Lie on the sofa
and understand: life has
burst into tears. The world is
in me; you feel so much
you fall in light.
All My Friends Are Fictional
is on page 28 of 64
How Adored Is the Pink Authority
[…]
„In dreams my lips find your hip's exquisite
dip & this is how it feels:
sediment falling, unforced, finding its smooth fit.
The bank is gay now, Sainsbury's is gay...
We were gay before it was cool, back
when you could expect a good beating.
I adore the sight of you
in a dressing gown, but only
via a mirror (that makes it not gay).“
— Feb 04, 2026 10:37AM
[…]
„In dreams my lips find your hip's exquisite
dip & this is how it feels:
sediment falling, unforced, finding its smooth fit.
The bank is gay now, Sainsbury's is gay...
We were gay before it was cool, back
when you could expect a good beating.
I adore the sight of you
in a dressing gown, but only
via a mirror (that makes it not gay).“
All My Friends Are Fictional
is on page 16 of 64
Tom Hardy
For someone neither
big nor hard, Hardy
is so hardy, and hard
to kill. He does a
convincing impres-
sion of bacteria.
Having shed 15%
of his organs, he is
in a lower weight
category. In order to
encourage the body
to adapt, his trainer
employed a tech-
nique called "20kg
of refrigerated
brains." Hardy can
live weeks without
his head.
— Feb 04, 2026 10:32AM
For someone neither
big nor hard, Hardy
is so hardy, and hard
to kill. He does a
convincing impres-
sion of bacteria.
Having shed 15%
of his organs, he is
in a lower weight
category. In order to
encourage the body
to adapt, his trainer
employed a tech-
nique called "20kg
of refrigerated
brains." Hardy can
live weeks without
his head.
All My Friends Are Fictional
is on page 6 of 64
„I treat depression by watching YouTube clips of camel spiders.
[…]
I only wonder: is beauty cold as data? Is beauty in data — am I supposed to see beauty in the camel spider?
[…]
Try treating depression with lavender. Try treating depression with bath bombs or a peach stone in your mouth. Try cannabis, try walking, try kundalini yoga. Try saying to yourself each morning I am not afraid.“
— Feb 04, 2026 10:17AM
[…]
I only wonder: is beauty cold as data? Is beauty in data — am I supposed to see beauty in the camel spider?
[…]
Try treating depression with lavender. Try treating depression with bath bombs or a peach stone in your mouth. Try cannabis, try walking, try kundalini yoga. Try saying to yourself each morning I am not afraid.“
All My Friends Are Fictional
is starting
DEATH MAGAZINE
„6 essential tips for transferring your consciousness to the cloud. Say Goodbye to Skincare — a look at the products you won't be using when you have no skin.
[…]
New-Wave Worries: what to think about once money, health and beauty have
slipped away with your body.
[…]
I Have No Mouth and I Must Cream: in memory of moisturiser.“
— Feb 04, 2026 10:13AM
„6 essential tips for transferring your consciousness to the cloud. Say Goodbye to Skincare — a look at the products you won't be using when you have no skin.
[…]
New-Wave Worries: what to think about once money, health and beauty have
slipped away with your body.
[…]
I Have No Mouth and I Must Cream: in memory of moisturiser.“
