Desa Rae’s Reviews > Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers > Status Update

The 6 ways of attaching: senses, sameness, belonging and loyalty, significance, feeling, being known

Free play is one of the irreducible needs of childhood, and it’s being sacrificed to both consumerism and the digital vortex our kids are caught up in

Children’s sense of security, trust in the world, and, above all, connection to their authentic emotions, hinge on the consistent availability of attuned and emotionally reliable caregivers with whom the child maintains the primary attachment

Many of us have skills and hobbies that our children could benefit from. Too many of us are outsourcing these to others. We should be rather possessive of these opportunists to invite our children to depend on us.

Neil Postman argues that childhood itself is endangered when adults no longer have any secrets from children. What our child most need to be informed about is not their world but themselves. We are the buffer.

Children need emergency play (creative solitude), not social play. If there’s a social aspect to the emergent play, they’re better off spending that time with an adult whom they’ve formed an attachment to.

7 principles of natural discipline continued…
6. When dealing with an impulsive child, try scripting the desired behavior instead of demanding maturity
7. When unable to change the child, try changing the child’s world

The 7 principles of natural discipline
1. Use connection, not separation, to bring a child into line
2. When problems occur, work the relationship, not the incident
3. When things aren’t working for the child, draw out the tears instead of trying to teach a lesson
4. Solicit good intentions instead of demanding good behavior
5. Drawn out the mixed feelings instead of trying to stop impulsive behavior

Connection before direction

Attachment
Emergent process: child’s innate drive for self-mastery
Adaptive process: capacity to learn from what doesn’t work
Integrative process: ability to endure mixed feelings and emotions