kashiichan’s Reviews > Late Bloomer: How an Autism Diagnosis Changed My Life > Status Update
kashiichan
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Tegan: I don't think I feel like I'm ever 'functioning' and I'm not sure I ever will. Every day I'm burdened with the responsibility of having to manage myself as if I were a second job. No single task, no interaction feels automatic. Everything is a deliberate effort and takes its toll. I do have good days, or even good weeks where I seem to be on a roll, but it never lasts and I'll drop all the plates I've been…
— Mar 21, 2026 08:04AM
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kashiichan’s Previous Updates
kashiichan
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I wish neurotypical people would put in as much effort into their interpersonal skills, understanding and communication as most Autistic people do.
— Mar 21, 2026 08:10AM
kashiichan
is on page 251 of 272
James: I suppose the 'outsider’ perspective has led me to question a lot of stereotypical behaviour that tends to go along lines of gender and sexual orientation, especially since I have tended not to pick up the social cues that would have told me what behaviour was expected of me.
— Mar 21, 2026 08:08AM
kashiichan
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…defining trait for me and others. I feel that this feeling of being different to others was exacerbated by the fact that my peers were quite difficult to relate to. I didn't understand why girls behaved the way they did, or why boys behaved the way they did towards me just because I was assigned female. Because of this, I feel my neurology and gender are linked, and I am unsure which one is the driving force.
— Mar 21, 2026 08:08AM
kashiichan
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Shadia: I definitely think that being autistic has given me a different perception of social norms and helped me be true and authentic to myself. As a child I was a bit of a 'tomboy'; I wasn't affected much by society's binary views of male and female. When I worked out there was a name to describe my internal experience of gender, I realised that I do not view myself as gendered: I am just me. Gender is not a…
— Mar 21, 2026 08:08AM
kashiichan
is on page 245 of 272
…let the collapse happen. In fact, the more I try to hold it in, the worse the meltdown will be. Part of learning about myself after the diagnosis was allowing myself time to fall to bits when it all gets too much, and to be patient and kind when it happens, instead of angry.
— Mar 21, 2026 08:05AM
kashiichan
is on page 245 of 272
…spinning, and then I have to start again from scratch. Each day is its own new challenge. I think on the outside I can look like I'm functioning. I can get up, go for a run, see a friend and go grocery shopping, but internally there can be a war going on, an anxious pressure building up. I'm a little bit better at managing this anxiety, but sometimes it is simply unmanageable, and I have to…
— Mar 21, 2026 08:05AM
kashiichan
is on page 244 of 272
…my brain starts shutting down functions in ascending order of 'essentialness', much like the instruments in an aircraft that has lost power in an emergency.
— Mar 21, 2026 08:03AM
kashiichan
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James: When my routines go undisturbed, people communicate with me clearly, give me instructions that are consistent and unambiguous, and I am in nice, quiet, safe, predictable environments, I 'function' pretty effectively, albeit still with an affect that could be read by careful observers as Autistic. Under stress, however, or in difficult environments, I feel as if…
— Mar 21, 2026 08:03AM
kashiichan
is on page 243 of 272
Jessie: On a 'high functioning' day you'd see me as friendly, warm, thoughtful, on the ball, funny and relaxed. On a "low functioning' day I'd struggle to get out of bed, look very pale, be very drained, or have a good old case of the irrits. Most people would be surprised to see me on a 'low functioning' day. I'm not the Jessie they know – I'm quite scattered, quiet and tired…
— Mar 21, 2026 08:01AM
kashiichan
is on page 243 of 272
…I am overwhelmed or overloaded by a busy schedule, many of these basic daily tasks become very difficult. When there are too many disruptions to my routine, sensory issues, or other pressures, my anxiety will usually increase which affects my ability to read my internal states. These are times where I may go into overload, shutdown, or meltdown.
— Mar 21, 2026 08:00AM
