Marquise > Status Update

Don't leave us hanging, 'dear.' 😆

... she claimed I was calling her "dear" out of condescension and superiority (!). It was so out of the blue and hurtful that the friendship was never the same again. I always wondered why, was it my posh accent? Her different culture? Just an excuse? I don't know.

It seems like I've done it again, though. Bothered someone by calling them "doll," something I only call my 3 best friends and people I truly like (so if I've called you "doll" here on GR, yes, that means you're one of my favourites. :P). And am left again at the same point as years ago.

Anyway, if you're one of those who dislikes terms of endearment and affectionate nicknames for whatever reason, please let me know right now. No judgment. I'd rather know than step on your toes.

This is exactly how I was raised with my family. Everyone is darling, or babe or hon etc. I also know people who hate this, but it’s just natural for me to use these terms of endearment in my vocabulary 🖤

Scott wrote: "Don't leave us hanging, 'dear.' 😆"

Of course, sugar! 😆 You posted as I was typing, slooowly...

Lady MacDeath wrote: "This is exactly how I was raised with my family. Everyone is darling, or babe or hon etc. I also know people who hate this, but it’s just natural for me to use these terms of endearment in my vocab..."

Yeah, my mum was always after me for not telling people some compliments or showing I liked them as a child. She said it was rude, so for me it was just part of how we talk.

I have no idea what you’re talking about, Beautiful Precious Queen Marquise :)

Oh, drat, just found out from a trusted source that in some segments of the US, "doll" is slang for prostitute/escort.

Wat???!!!

i SWEAR ON MY HONOUR THAT I DIDN'T MEAN TO CALL YOU THAT.

Damn... that's bad, really bad. I should stay in my Shire, I'll be the worst American ever. :'(

Marquise wrote: "Scott wrote: "Don't leave us hanging, 'dear.' 😆"

Of course, sugar! 😆 You posted as I was typing, slooowly..."

Ok, then 'doll.' 😉

Thibault wrote: "I have no idea what you’re talking about, Beautiful Precious Queen Marquise :)"

So you're fine with me calling you Thibu? <3

As an American, I had no idea that doll could possibly be slang for a prostitute/escort...learn something new everyday!

Scott wrote: "Ok, then 'doll.' 😉"

I've called your lady that, even though she likely can be my mother. Apologies! <3

Marquise wrote: "Thibault wrote: "I have no idea what you’re talking about, Beautiful Precious Queen Marquise :)"

So you're fine with me calling you Thibu? <3"

Yeah, sure. I don't mind being part of your Funky Bunch, Marky Marquise :)

Michelle wrote: "As an American, I had no idea that doll could possibly be slang for a prostitute/escort...learn something new everyday!"

It must be very, very niche, uh? Maybe only in some state or some cities.

Some slang is well known, like the C-word in AU/UK vs America, but others are too niche and we can't possibly know every single slang usage... what with English being so widespread, surely there's slang we don't know and inadvertently offend folks somewhere.

Culture is such a mess, a good one, but a mess...

Thibault wrote: "Yeah, sure. I don't mind being part of your Funky Bunch, Marky Marquise :)"

Thank you! <3

I think it's really sweet lol

We live in a time where everyone is truly offended by VERY trivial things.. It's what I call "selective outrage" which makes no sense to me. Things that typically aren't offensive or are throwaways, becomes a major offense, but things that are truly deserving of that outrage or anger, things that really matter; they remain silent on or see no issues with it.. Crazy right?? ..

So I say don't change your light or how you speak, in order to appease the few that don't matter.. Cause those that do matter wouldn't take offense in something that you're clearly not being offensive about..

FYI, I LOVE endearments being thrown my way..

Words are just words, their meanings and purposes drift in time and vary according to who's saying what to whom. It's probably best to always err on the side of caution and assume the other person isn't trying to insult you even if the words could indicate such, because they usually aren't. But likewise, it's always good to inform them if there are meanings they might convey by accident.

When it comes from you, I know it always comes from a good place. So call me whatever.

They don't bother me, my sister calls everyone darling

You always have to treat people within their cultural/ generational context. I know there’s some people who think the elderly can make racist or misogynistic comments but, depending of course on exactly what’s being said, sometimes you just have to realise that’s the era they were raised in.

I use darling, dear, hon and sweetie! I'm fine with terms of endearment.

I love to give and receive endearments.

Antonio wrote: "please, I am curious: which is the endearing culture you originate from?
Here in Italy it's mostly Tuscany indulging in so many niceties ("svenevolezze")"

Not sure if this is sarcasm, so I'll err on the safe side and say "no."

Craig Vasiliev wrote: "I love to give and receive endearments."

You are also part of an affectionate family, right? Same for me. <3

Tammie P ℓօรƭเɳαɓօօҡ wrote: "I use darling, dear, hon and sweetie! I'm fine with terms of endearment."

Good to know, thank you!

Christy wrote: "You always have to treat people within their cultural/ generational context..."

That's very true. But then, in an online context with so many cultures and backgrounds mingling freely, how do you avoid inadvertently stepping on someone's toes? What's normal for one won't for another, and then there's those that simply want to pick a fight.

It's easier in person... but even so, it can't be avoided. The anecdote I told about the "dear" incident was in person, we both were the same age, and she knew me already. Sometimes, it boils down to ascribing ill-intentions to the other part that simply aren't there, as you noted.

TL *Humaning the Best She Can* wrote: "They don't bother me, my sister calls everyone darling"

I don't call everyone darling, only some people I really like. I used to do it more when younger, and was given more of a pass on account of being young, but after the "dear" incident, I've limited its use.

Juho wrote: "When it comes from you, I know it always comes from a good place. So call me whatever."

Hehehe, thank you, Ju! <3

Leah wrote: "I think it's really sweet lol"

The intention is meant to, of course. :)

Aww I guess it was a cultural difference? We usually call each other here “bebé” or “cariño” between close friends which are close to dear I think :)

~*~Princess Nya Vasiliev~*~ wrote: "We live in a time where everyone is truly offended by VERY trivial things.. It's what I call "selective outrage" which makes no sense to me."

Sigh, I know exactly what you mean. People make me regret being an extrovert more and more often these days. :'(

It's not just the reviews, I do attract a more-than-average amount of strange folks in person too, it seems... Family and friends have pointed that out to me (good thing they don't see my reviews!). And in these days when anything and everything finds someone to take offence at, I can't live self-policing myself. It's not humanly possible even if I tried.

Meishuu wrote: "Aww I guess it was a cultural difference? We usually call each other here “bebé” or “cariño” between close friends which are close to dear I think :)"

Yes! I know, pretty common in your country and all of LatAm to use pet names, endearments, and diminutives like it's just verbs. My name doesn't have a diminutive, but would you believe they found one for it? Simply splat "ita" on it, and voilá, you've been adopted by a tía. :D

I’m honored to be called darling lol.

I love endearments and I call my friends babe, hon, love, dear, sweetheart, etc. I look forward to being old enough that I get to call strangers younger than me honey or sweetheart and have them not think it’s flirting but just a general sense of affection and good intentions. I just have the soul of a grandma and spiritual “you remind me of my grandkid” energy, I’m not trying to flirt with you kiddo 😭

Maria wrote: " I just have the soul of a grandma and spiritual “you remind me of my grandkid” energy, I’m not trying to flirt with you kiddo 😭"

#marquiseslifegoals: To be called "sugar" by a Southern lady as she stuff me full of tea and grits and sweets. <3

Seriously, though, even I haven't had the "she's flirting with me!" reaction yet. Phew!

Aha... can't resist adding my two cents worth for here in Newfoundland the terms of endearment can be quite varied!...Some common ones are " yes my love or lover, my trout, darling, duckie".......some visitors to our province have been surprised and not sure what to make of it ;)

Lol you definitely feel rich in life. Gotta get you to a classic Americana diner sometime. Waffle House is peak. Great cheap food, lovely people, but the sweet iced tea might shock your tea sensibilities lol

Cindy wrote: "Aha... can't resist adding my two cents worth for here in Newfoundland the terms of endearment can be quite varied!...Some common ones are " yes my love or lover, my trout, darling, duckie".......s..."

Yeah, I come from an affectionate family, but even I have been surprised at the terms of endearment I've witnessed or been given in several parts of the world.

Reminds me of that interesting little Tweet I forgot to save that was doing a mini-sociological study of how the youth have used pet names in every generation, and how some places use terms that sound downright offensive/racist/sexist in other places (the Aussie/Brit example of "c-nt" is the most famous one).

Maria wrote: "Lol you definitely feel rich in life. Gotta get you to a classic Americana diner sometime. Waffle House is peak. Great cheap food, lovely people, but the sweet iced tea might shock your tea sensibi..."

Me and my gut bacteria are well-prepared! :D

It's funny, but I have American friends from different places of the country, and they have warned me that in some states they tend to be oversensitive to trifles and others are so friendly they're accused of "fakes." Oh, well, big country, I'm guaranteed to offend someone at some point. :P

I call friends “mdear” a lot and love having pet names and endearments shared. So feel free to call me anything you like. 😂💕

I'm from the US South where this is more common, but I hate how infantilizing it is

Mai wrote: "I'm from the US South where this is more common, but I hate how infantilizing it is"

Heh, that's why I don't call you any pet names. :P

Beka wrote: "I call friends “mdear” a lot and love having pet names and endearments shared. So feel free to call me anything you like. 😂💕"

Hahaha, yeah, I know. Thank you, Beksy! 💕

"Bethsy" is cute, not obnoxious at all.

Once I reached a certain age--about the same time women who have kids become grandmothers--I started to have this compulsion to call people "dear" or "sweetie" etc that I have to take deliberate effort to suppress. I have no children so I don't get why this is happening. I call my cat "sweet pea" many, many times a day, and he doesn't care, so that alleviates things somewhat.

I exchange endearments with some of my friends here, but only with those who are around my age or younger. I would never call someone much older than me 'darling' or 'precious.' In my culture, it is not appropriate for younger people to use such terms with those who are older.

Beth wrote: ""Bethsy" is cute, not obnoxious at all."

Thank you! <3

Nicknames and shortenings of the name seem to be more acceptable than terms of endearment, at least it was growing up. Everyone had a nickname or a short version of their name, but that's also cultural and age-dependent.

Persephone's Pomegranate wrote: "I exchange endearments with some of my friends here,..."

Except me. *sniffle* :P

That's the norm, for the most part. I don't use endearments very often, it's so very limited for me, which is what makes the overreactions I got all the more shocking.

Wow....I hadn't know about that C word being used by the British and Aussies!! Wow.....so not any term of endearment to put it mildly...baha. One of loathing, disgust, hatred....fights++ would break out over that term sure.

Cindy wrote: "Wow....I hadn't know about that C word being used by the British and Aussies!! Wow...."

Shows you how much language varies by country, even if it's the same language and a common origin. Same goes for Spanish in Europe vs Spanish in LatAm.

Separated by a common language, indeed!

Marquise wrote: "Cindy wrote: "Wow....I hadn't know about that C word being used by the British and Aussies!! Wow...."

Shows you how much language varies by country, even if it's the same language and a common ori..."

I knew our common English language had many amusing differences with here on the east coast of Canada we have quite a blend of British and American influences but that term isn't one that is meant to be flattering...baha

Yeah, and that's how one ends up stepping on others' toes. Sigh. Add to that people's hypersensitivity and propensity to assume the worst intentions, and you have the recipe for disastrous miscommunication.

Marquise wrote: "Yeah, and that's how one ends up stepping on others' toes. Sigh. Add to that people's hypersensitivity and propensity to assume the worst intentions, and you have the recipe for disastrous miscommu..."

I also often find that when a person is direct in their communications with someone, because people are so use to not saying what they really mean or really meaning what they say, too many people think you're being rude.. When you are just in fact a direct communicator. As we all should be.

If people adopted or went back to the proper way of communicating, instead of always speaking in innuendo or omissions of truth, then there would be much less room for misunderstandings or miscommunication..

Or maybe I'm just the weirdo, because I've been with a direct communicator for too long and I also was brought up in a family where we all said exactly what we thought and how we felt, for the most part.. So affection and affectionate endearments spoken, typically does follow such direct communication as well..