Jess’s Reviews > Releasing 10 > Status Update

To find the girl I used to be and become her once more.
But she wasn't there anymore, and if, by some small miracle, I found her, the boy she loved with all her heart had been chased off by the demon that had taken on the form of her skin.
What was the point?
I’d already lost everything.
I was ruined.

Grief-it swept me up in its cruel wave of suffocation before spitting me out on the beach of guilt and devastation.
I didn't want to be this way anymore.
I wanted to get better.

All the good in the world was gone.
Erased and replaced with poison.
With sadness.
With unanswered questions and speculation.
All the thoughts.
All the memories.
All the regret I had for decisions I had no memory of making.
I made them, though.
That, I was sure of.

"How do you feel about us making this official?"
"Official?" I strangled out, feeling physically sick. "Us?"

"Because Liz needs this place" I inclined my head to where the three of them were nestled up. "She needs you and Claire."
"And you?" Mam watched me carefully. "What do you need, Hugh?"
Her.

"I don't want anyone else to think it, either."
"Okay, love."
"Because she's sick, Mam, and whatever she did, she wouldn't have done it if she were herself."

"She decided this," I heard myself admit, and Christ did I hate the way my voice cracked when the admission escaped my lips. "She doesn't love me anymore, Mam."
"I don't believe that for a second, Mam argued gently. "Teenage girls don't cry over boys like this when they're not in love."
That hit me hard.
Fucking gutted me.
Tore my heart to ribbons.

I knew that's why Liz continued to return. Why she was here right now.
Hell, I didn't even blame her. I’d been in her home. It was like experiencing the funeral on repeat in that house.
Sadness and tears.
Pain and anger playing on a loop like a broken record.
My home had become her reprieve, and breakup or not, I would never take that away from her.

Wordlessly, Gibs fell into step beside me, blocking my view of her, and for that, I was beyond grateful.
He didn't crack a joke or throw shade.
He just walked beside me, shielding me with his presence.