Carmen’s Reviews > SAFE: The Minimum Standard for Intimacy > Status Update

A man who is grounded in his own worth does not pressure her to regulate him. He does not need reassurance to function.

What the nervous system tracks is reliability

Nervous systems are constantly reading tone, timing, energy and responsiveness.

For a woman presence is safe because it is predictable

Presence is the ability to stay connected to self when emotions arise.

Armor is a fear of loss or exposure. It forms when the nervous system thinks force is safer than vulnerability. Armor removes choice. armor removes the choice of the other person to respond authentically. Women are terrified of men who use armor. Armor removes choice and where choice disappears. Safety cannot exist. Awareness creates choice and choices the beginning of change.

Intentions do not prevent impact. Impact is what nervous systems respond to.

Safety describes the condition under which a nervous system can relax

Women are terrified by men who take away their choices. A man who controls becomes volatile creates fear in a woman. fear shuts down a nervous system.

Safety is not determined about how you see yourself. It is how another nervous system feels you.