Jesse’s Reviews > Pirate Adventures > Status Update

“At the Inn of the Gory Dagger”

I was not expecting this tucked away at the end of this book, where the best male and female pirate at the tavern end up power fucking to see which of the two—Eve of the Sash of Crimson versus Murderous Mike—is the master of the seas. TW: this exchange, which is played for laughs, absolutely starts out as r—-.

“Bill Boozy was a pirate bold”

If I had read this along side anything from Where the Sidewalk Ends I would not have batted an eye. It’s pretty cute.

“A Pirut Story”

Ummmmmmmmmm

I think Howard is taking the piss at what was considered funny at the time, with his stylized spellings and his “Alfonzo Goofus”, the indecipherable punchline being “We’re American citizens, by golly!” Which, this sort of stuff built the I Can Haz Cheeseburger house

“Black Vulmea’s Vengeance (earliest known draft)”

The final version is undoubtedly better than the first draft. This is more interesting in Howard’s creative process, how he got about 25% of the way through the story and then rushes through Wentyard’s time in the ruins and then collapses into a single paragraph detailing their escape. At this point, the name of the jewels had not been decided.

“The Shadow in the Well (unfinished fragment)”

This is the treatment of the prior synopsis. Nell is far more of a damsel here than the earlier Helen. The full account of the pirate-sorcerer is pretty cool; he would have been more fun to focus on than this stupid Steve / Nell romance. Also, fuck this guy and his description of “Juan the Butcher”

“The Shadow in the Well (untitled synopsis)”

Howard generally wrote pretty good outlines. This one features a female pirate named Nell and it sort of cannibalizes some plot elements from the unpublished “Isle”, like a lady pirate and a hollow altar, but Howard commits to the weird fiction bit as some sort of unspeakable monster is lurking in a well in the ruins they try to loot.

“So There I Was…”

Howard writes with an uncharacteristically Hemmingway-esque terseness here. His bravado here is an unruly SLAVE TRADER who gets drunk a lot and then wakes up to find that he’s on a driftwood raft with all the guns, all the ammo, and all the booze. I have no idea where this was going.

“The Treasure of Henry Morgan”

This unfinished story has the grandson of a pirate, the MC, falling in with his grandfather’s cabin boy, who just happens to have the same name as the cabin boy from Treasure Island. The story is obviously leading toward Hawkins getting Stephen to go find Morgan’s treasure (and maybe getting a lot of respect for his grandfather the pirate).

“List of Names (The Treasure of Henry Morgan)”

The archivists decided to include this scrap of lined paper that makes is pretty clear, if the Flint references in the poems weren’t enough, that Howard had Treasure Island as one of his influences. I recognize the names of Hawkins and Israel Hands, here. Hey—Morgan! Cutthroat Island, anyone?

“A Dying Pirate Speaks of Treasure”

Okay, I actually liked this poem. It starts out kind of goofy and then goes into full sentimentality as the pirate pulls a “the true treasure was the beauty of the sea”.