Sevi’s Reviews > The Collector > Status Update

I’m sick of being young. Inexperienced.
Clever at knowing but not at living.

All this business, it’s bound up with my bossy attitude to life. I’ve always known where I’m going, how I want things to happen. And they have happened as I have wanted, and I have taken it for granted that they have because I know where I’m going. But I have been lucky in all sorts of things.

I’ve always tried to happen to life; but it’s time I let life happen to me.

I had the same feeling I did when I had watched an imago emerge, and then to have to kill it… I mean, the beauty confuses you, you don’t know what you want to do any more, what you should do.

I always seem to end up by talking down to you. I hate it. It’s you. You always squirm one step lower than I can go.

What I fear in you is something you don’t know is in you.

But what have I done? I asked.
“Nothing. That’s why I’m frightened.”
I don’t understand.
She looked down.
“I’m waiting for you to do something.”

You know what you do? You know how rain takes the colour out of everything? That’s what you do to the English language. You blur it every time you open your mouth.

In my opinion a lot of people who may seem happy now would do what I did or similar things if they had the money and the time. I mean, to give way to what they pretend now they shouldn’t. Power corrupts, a teacher I had always said. And Money is Power.

I just don’t know. What you do blurs over what you did before.

But forgetting’s not something you do, it happens to you. Only it didn’t happen to me.