Just Another Perfectionist ’s Reviews > You First: A Joe Goldberg Prequel > Status Update

VailInTheCity: Well, hello you. Stalker boy is now also my house boy lol long story. What’s shaking? Last night I had a dream about you. I never remember my dreams and…I have to tell you in person. You will die lol I
died.
I die. I cry. You were with me, dreaming of him, and I know you.

Breaking news at 10.
Vail sucks.
*Le Gasp*

I mean, the more I think about it, the more Dick needs a good asskicking. [...] He came here to have sex with a fifteen-year-old girl. If you think about it, I have a moral obligation to emerge from the shadows in a ski mask and kick this predator in the fucking balls.

The strategy to make any guy Joe hates/decides to murder into a predo is GETTING OLD, almost a cop out. Like "look at him killing a creep-o".

“It’s probably a form of rebellion or something. This fear that if I go into happy homemaker mode, I’ll get stuck crocheting a bath mat or something and never figure out what I really want to do, you know?”
OR MAYBE YOU’RE JUST A LAZY AND SPOILED COMPULSIVE
FUCKING DICK-EATER. Sorry. I didn’t mean it.

AHAHAH.
Shit hits the fan.

and why is there a bra in your microwave?
Girls.
Back to the sofa, where I’m on Skittle patrol. So much candy. Too
much candy.

Love how he's acting like "being messy" (more like downright disgusting at keeping your place in ANY order, if you're Vail) is a "GIRL THING".
This book LOVES going at women in general for no reason.

I’ll do the cleaning. It’s addictive, especially when you’re naked. I love the idea of you waking up tomorrow and realizing what I did for you. It keeps me going as I scrub your kitchen floors and line up Cynthia’s shoes by her bedroom door and stack the Vogues and the Time Outs on your sad, wobbly coffee table.

He's cleaning her place in his bare stinky ass. YAY. THRILLER.

I need to do a victory lap. Strut my stuff and mark your place with my scent.

Me, in that moment: "STRUT YOUR STUFF?" The fuck do you mean?! SCENT?!
...

What a thing it is, Vail.
To plant my bare ass on your couch and [eat food from her fridge].

It's exactly what I feared. He's walking all around nude to "mark his territory". IN HER SHARED LIVING SPACE with another girl. Scent sure makes it sound like he STINKS.

You smiled. “You’re a teenager.”
“I got a fake ID after we met.”
“I am in…I mean, holy shit. My…my boyfriend is in high school.”
...
You said you knew I was younger, but seventeen is…You beamed. “Just don’t call the cops on me, okay?”

She's HAPPY about it. That he's 17. BROTHER this girl-
Vail, careful, that name do be rhyming with something else.

“You told me not to go.”
“I told you to do what you want, Joe. And apparently, you wanted to make my birthday about waiting for you to show up…and then stalk me the day after. Cherry on the cake, truly.”

Maybe, just maybe stop listening to dude-bro's advice on dating women.
She read the "plan" to to filth, nothing about it was smooth or 4D-chess-y.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I am not a stalker. I am your BOYFRIEND whether you like it or not and I can’t say that out loud because it doesn’t even sound good in my head but come on already. Come on!

Literally stalking when? BAHAHAHA. That guy sat on his ass for 55% of the book so far. Older Joe would LAUGH at him, he wouldn't claim him.

“I’d like to see you try, Joseph. I’d like to see you try to defend stealing from me, running a business behind my back, stealing from a customer, and breaking into said customer’s abode to have sexual relations with a woman who doesn’t even like you, let alone love you.”

The way he just summarized the whole BORING af plot so far.
This is supposed to be a thriller.