Raquel Silva’s Reviews > Start With Yourself: A New Vision for Work & Life > Status Update

(...) when you can both settle into the present moment without any expectation of a return on that time except for a great conversation.

It's rare to find an opportunity where you really get into someone's life story and come to know them deeply, without any expectation that there's something to get from the encounter. This is why I love meeting cab drivers when I travel. I love hearing what people are about when there's absolutely no agenda outside of getting from here to there. People are so interesting, and warm, and good, especially when (...)

We must stop giving other people permission over our lives. We need to shift our mindsets. We cannot let strangers dictate how we feel. Instead, we must learn how to manage our emotions so we can stay calm, centered, and in control over the right next step.

But I've developed the ability to use my fear as a signal that there's something important on the other side - that I'm being faced with something big, whether it's an opportunity to grow and learn, or a space to win. If fear isn't present, I know I'm not pushing my edge.

To quote trauma therapist Prentis Hemphill, "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." I choose this type of peace instead. It's important to remember that forgive-ness and repair are a process, and some people can't give you what you want because they simply don't have it to give. This is okay. Continue to move forward anyway.

Psychiatrist Phil Stutz calls our need for payback, or an apology, or to be vindicated, "the Maze," and I believe that's an apt description. As he writes in True and False Magic, "The only way to get out of the Maze is not to win. The only way you can get out of it is to say, I don't have enough time to waste on this shit, so I have to let the other guy win. The moment you do this in your mind, you can move forward."

We're living in a culture where everyone feels aggrieved and takes the world personally. I don't think this is a productive way to live. This isn't to say that I don't understand why people feel resentful. I understand. I, too, was full of blame - and I grew up in a blame-drenched culture, too. Nothing was ever anyone's fault. It was always the neighbor's fault or the government's fault.