Fahdii Ajmalal Fikrie’s Reviews > The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read [and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did] > Status Update

"--- We feel hungry when we need to eat, we feel physical pain when we need to get out of the fire, and we feel lonely when we need to be with other people and feel seen and accepted by them. Loneliness is a necessary feeling, just like thirst and hunger. Ignore it at your peril, as it can be a major cause of deterioration of mental and physical health.

"Loneliness used to be associated with poor social skills or being a bit odd, so there's still stigma and shame attached to it. But there shouldn't be: loneliness affects everyone. It's felt so strongly because it's alerting you to what you need to do — find company. Humans are not isolates; we are pack animals. ---"

"Dissociating from distress is a mammalian survival mechanism, a reflex, but the downside to it is that people can experience flashbacks to those feelings they cut off from.

Dissociating from a memory leaves people without any control over when they access it, and it can come to haunt them as though it had come out of nowhere."

WHOA

(masih soal avoidant attachment style)

"The disadvantage of this style is that, in later life, you can't allow other people to get close to you. As with the insecure attachment style, it is possible to work to change an attachment style, with a lot of practice and work."

WHOA

(still talking about avoidant attachment style)

"When the people pass you in the desert, eventually you stop waving to get their attention because you don't see the point — and they probably think that, as you're not waving and crying, you don't need them."

WHOA

(talking about avodant attachment style)

"I you were often left to cry it out and a lot of the time no one answered your cries, you tend to give up. Your internal belief system and mantra would become 'I won't get their attention so what's the point of trying?' You wouldn't believe you have influence over other people, you wouldn't expect to be understood by them and you'd grow up seeing yourself as a loner."

WHOA

If, when you were a baby, your needs for closeness and sustenance were usually consistently met, you're likely to grow up feeling that other people are generally good. This means you can trust people, get on with others, generally feel optimistic and connect easily with others. All this helps you to have a nice life.

The often-asserted belief that men have to be 'strong' does, in my opinion, far more harm than good.

"--- I believe that, while we wait for the politicians to rectify this unfairness, perhaps the previous generation could help out new parents financially as well as emotionally."

KEREN