Elisabeth Nadler’s Reviews > Remember > Status Update

I like where this is going! But, current issue is over-explanation. 1st person present tense is familiar, & as a writer, I've realized that I have to be cautious to not over-explain. I've been guilty of it! MC mentally explains things that the reader would already assume. Leads to drawing the scene out too long, which is common here, & makes things drag.

Next update will explain the name thing I mentioned earlier!

Finally! At around 50% it took a turn & became more interesting. I like the twist it is taking. It could have happened sooner maybe?

Side note. Naming a new character Fukuda is an interesting choice. Yes, I can guess how it's supposed to be pronounced, but I know/worked with people whose humor goes that way, so yes, tough to unthink. Haha! Especially since this book kinda overuses names/titles. More on that later.

My pet peeve strikes: inaccurate medical methods.

It's the defib again!
From a website for defibrillator information/usage:
"An AED(defib) can only be used on someone with a rapid heart rate. You cannot use it on victims with an extremely slow heart rhythm or those whose heart stops beating."
Stopped hearts are treated with CPR & epinephrine.

End rant. Back to reading!

The dreamscape is interesting, and I definitely get Book of Revelations vibes. The frequent use of "Grandmommy" by a 17 year old is still getting to me, but that's a minor thing. So far, well written, decent world building. I like that it is 1st person present tense (my favorite!). Although, I will say that the story is somewhat slow at the moment.

I see why 1 reviewer bailed out early (I'm no quitter!). Lost count of how many times "Grandmommy" is used in the first few pages. I get wanting something new & unique in a dystopian book; something obscure like calling someone Grandmommy. Weird. Different. Could be original & acceptable. But that many times? It makes it "in your face" more than it is unique. But other reviews say it's a great story. Let's find out!