Abril’s Reviews > This Is How You Lose the Time War > Status Update

I love you. I'll write it in waves. In skies. In my heart. You'll never see, but you will know. I'll be all the poets, I'll kill them all and take each one's place in turn, and every time love's written in all the strands it will be to you.

Deja. Ni daba hacerme llorar de esta forma en un periodo tan corto de tiempo.

Me acabo de romper el corazon yo sólita. COMO PODES ESCRIBIR TREMENDA DEDICACIÓN DE AMOR DESPUES DE QUE LA OTRA LE INDICARAN QUE LA TIENE QUE MATAR?!?!?

And, to be honest, love confuses me. I've never felt it before this - I've had joy in sex; I've had fast friendships. Neither feels right for this, and this feels bigger than both.
I sought loneliness when I was young. (...) But when I think of you, I want to be alone together. I want to strive against and for. I want to live in contact. I want to be a context for you, and you for me.

NDJSBXBSHSBDB

So in this letter I am yours. Not Garden's, not your mission's, but yours, alone.
I am yours in other ways as well: yours as I watch the world for your signs, apophenic as a haruspex; yours as i debate methods, motives, chances of delivery; yours as i review your words by their sequence, their sound, smell, taste, taking care no one memory of them becomes too worn. Yours.

Es tanto pedir 🙏🙏

...a desire to be apart, sometimes, to understand who I am without the rest. And what I return to, the me-ness that I know as pure; inescapable self... is hunger. Desire. Longing, this longing to possess, to become to break like a wave on a rock and reform, and break again, and wash away. This is necesario part of any ecosystem, but it unsettled others, this inability to be satisfied.

Hunger, Red - to sate a hunger or to stoke it, to feel hunger as a furnace, to trace its edges like teeth - is this a thing you, singly, know? Have you ever had a hunger that whetted itself on what you fed it, sharpened so keen and bright that it might split you open, break a new thing out?
Sometimes I think that's what I have instead of friends.

We lay on our backs and watched clouds together when we were young.

Mmmm wtf