nathan’s Reviews > Kitten > Status Update

My mother was the only person who knew which of my memories were true and which were my own creation. If I could go back, I’d skip past my childhood and go to hers. Spend one day with the girl she was before her mother left her. Witness her happiness. Braid her hair. Remember everything.

Maybe growing up didn’t mean gaining more control but rather learning to exercise the little you already had.

It turned out that not believing I was making choices didn’t make the choices any less real. My life was not some distant thing waiting to happen—I made it happen all the time.

“Men are like babies,” Isabelle said. “They’re babies in fancy suits.”
“Babies are like drunk men,” I said. “In tiny shoes.”

Kitten, which was what she used to call me, because I would never grow big.

“This is fun,” James said. We were at the first musical number of the movie. “Camp.”“Camp?” Mamma Mia! was sincere and tragic.

I called out his name. When James stood, his body looked taller, bigger than before. Water fell down his chest in bright sheets. I saw him as I did the night we met. Here was somebody who was meant to exist, whom nobody felt the need to save.

I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t sound forced or flat. I’d never gotten drunk with real adults before and found the experience dehumanizing, as if each sip made them more vivid and multifaceted while I only became more stupid.

Looking at him felt dangerous, as if my current happiness would be paid for by a future misery.

Also, who cares about being worthy for a job? It’s not like my job chose me because I’m worthy of something. I just networked my ass off.