malaha liams > Status Update

no love island for me, but i will obviously watch the terrible mafia romance drama.

objectively, it's terrible. like, sir, mafia man, pls ur hot, u can get a better script!!
also, the fake italian accent is embarrassing as well. at this point, im HOPING its AI, and not some poor actors suffering

im cracking up. i will us ethis as an update with every episode.

somehow, this mafia leader dude DOESNT NOTICE THIS YELLOW DRESSED GIRL IN THE DOORWAY WHILE HE'S KILLING SOMEONE HELLEEOOW??

WHY DOES THE MAFIA BOSS HAVE THE PERIPHERAL VISION OF A POTATO. Like, sir. You are supposedly a terrifying mafia king. There is a woman in a bright yellow dress standing in the doorway while you commit a murder. Maybe finish the crime later and address the elephant in the room??

And then you have the poor actor trying to maintain his terrifying mafia-boss aura while presumably being directed like:

"Okay, now look mysterious. More mysterious. You're Italian. No, more Italian. Why are you moving your eyebrows? Stop. Now threaten him. Great. Keep the accent."

HOW are you a terrifying mafia king-boss whatever and somehow your greatest enemy is a woman standing directly in your doorway wearing the visual equivalent of a highlighter???

SIR. YOU ARE TOO ATTRACTIVE FOR THIS.

and NOW, she has fallen and taken a glass vase with her!! And oops, she stepped on a piece of glass. wow, cradling her. so nice of u, mister mafia dude. The Mafia Boss has entered the "accidental bridal carry" phase of courtship. Despite committing homicide mere moments earlier, he instinctively scoops up the injured heroine. Scientists remain puzzled by this behavior.

i get you'd be terrified after seeing the man kill someone, but like... girl, why are u panicking so much? like okay, girl, we get you, but pls, he is not even carrying a gun, he is statically unlikely to put a bullet in you.

She is experiencing the most traumatic five minutes of her life and im in the audience like “okay but he's literally being nice now.” im amazing, arent i?

Okay, yes, he just killed somebody in front of you. But have you considered that he is currently carrying you very gently?

GIRL DONT LET HIMM GRAB UR FEET!! HES GONNA BE WEIRD ABOUT IT!!!
how is she letting him do this tho. like ho, he killed someone, u got hurt, and now hes grabbing ur feet.

this is possibly worse than 365 days

mind you, he is massaging and stroking her feet under the guise of 'applying ointment and anti-septic'. anti septic my ass

she asked him, 'will u kill me?' girl, he massaging yo feet, he aint gonna kill yo ass.

and HE SAYS, 'if i kill u, who will marry tomorrow?" AND HE LOOKS CONFUSED. the confused look makes it exponentially funnier. Like he's genuinely baffled that she doesn't understand this extremely obvious logistical issue.

The man's internal logic is apparently:

I am going to marry Violet tomorrow.
Therefore Violet must remain alive.
I am currently treating Violet's foot.
Therefore killing Violet would be logistically inconvenient.
Why is she asking me this?

even the villains are corny. they are literally monologuing. while violet is hiding behind a house plant

violet hit the villain with an alcohol bottle. and he bled orange. and he is standing and talking tto her

Violet: “Why are you still conscious?”

Villain: orange liquid slowly appearing

“You cannot stop me.”

NO, APPARENTLY SHE CAN'T, BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE PHYSIOLOGY OF A LEGO CHARACTER.

so the villain threw her in the pool. does she not know how to swim?? i dont either but sis, its not that deep. I would also be useless here, but girl, I am pretty sure your feet can touch the bottom.